So they say.

So I am trying to just write it out here. Whether I cry or smile or whatnot. Just for today, I would like to just keep writing what I think and feel. This won't be the last, but I am hopeful that this will help. Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it. I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference. A lot of good things or okay...

This is the 7th day I am stuck at home, and it has been both stressful and chill at the same time. That;s a bit weird. But here's the thing, while I am getting enough rest, it might be too much, and I am worried about a lot of things, especially yung wala na akong sweldo next payday and too much work piling. HAHA. Anyway, what happened that led me to 7 days stuck at home? I got hit by a car, well, my right foot did. And somehow, thanking God that it was only my right foot forward. If not for that, I may be in so much more trouble than it is at the moment.  It was Wednesday, July 5, around 9AM, I just timed in for work, and I was supposed to cross the street to get food from Ate Glo, when a car suddenly hit my foot. I remember trying to cross and didn't actually see a car. But to be fair, I did not hear a hard horn beep from the car, the driver just went straight hitting my foot. Then everything just suddenly stopped for me. I was in complete shock because it was supposed...

I am just so unhappy and sad.

I'm here again. I want to put out my thoughts and feelings, but seems that nothing does come out of me anymore. Since I left Kai's area yesterday, I barely spoke a word, or even talked to anyone. I have a massive headache I've been trying to nurse for a week, but no luck in it going away. I took the day off to rest, but all I ended up is crying over this series which is so close to my heart. I really wish I could make someone understand of what people with mental illness are going through, but, unfortunately I can't, because I don't fully understand it myself either. All anyone could ever do is try. And I guess that is what I have been looking for all this time. For someone to care enough or to stay enough despite waves and flashfloods and landslides coming. I wish someone does not give up on me or what I could offer. I wish someone did not decide to leave just because she couldn't handle things. Despite me being unable to extend my gratitude well, I absolutel...

Hello,  I'm just writing down to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and like I say sometimes, when things come out, it becomes real. I guess, this time, this become real. I'm very very sad. It has been months since I have gone to therapy, and I have been in my saddest for quite some time. There are days I felt like giving up, days wherein day and night, all I think about is how I should die, or how to end my life, everything that is hard and hurting, and there are days I feel like I can do anything in this world, fearless and unstoppable.  Yesterday was once again a deal breaker. I felt stuffed and hurt, I felt I was not someone to be proud of, and I felt abandoned. Like I said, maybe it is for the best. I don't intend to win you over again, but I do intend to watch you from afar and just be there for you in case you need someone. I really want to be your friend, I really want to be in your life, whatever way or form. I feel like you're one of the few peopl...

To my bestfriend, my partner, my confidant, my love, Today marks the last day of us being together. I have to say good bye to you because I believe this will be the best for the both of us. I am leaving without regrets, but just tears in my eyes and sadness. It breaks my heart that I am not just losing a loved one, but a best friend too. The past year and three months, you made me feel less alone. You made me feel I always have someone to call my own, and I have someone who had my back, even if you weren’t so sure how to take care of me and be there for me in my difficult days. The past month has been the happiest and most content I felt since five months ago, but I cant stay because we both know I wish there was something more. I don’t know if it was just me or I was expecting too much, but I felt that the time I gave you was more than enough to rethink our current situation. I have to admit, Im used to no labels. But I guess sometimes, age tends to tell you that certainty in...

This Is Me Finally Closing The Chapter Of Us I read this a few days ago and it clearly spoke to me. This sums up how my current relationship/friendship is with someone. I know I am not ready to let go. But I am trying to make all the excuses to myself so that I could either hold on or let go already. But who knows? Maybe the right time has come. That no matter how much you care about the person, maybe now is not the right time. Or maybe now isn't what its supposed to be. Maybe not today, maybe tomorrow, but somewhere along the way I feel it would happen. Sucks, I know. I am still in the midst of thinking about it, but let's see. Hope you enjoy reading the article as much as I did. A little sad, but I realized sometimes our realities can be sad. We just have to choose how to live with it, or die with it. Click on the link above.