So they say.

I have so many things running in my head ever since I went to see a shrink a few days ago. I feel I am so close to going crazy and about to lose myself. There are moments I feel like crying, like now. And maybe a little later on I will laugh my heart out. Earlier today, I was actually laughing with my boss because of something quite work related/non-work related. I need a breather. I need a place where I can talk and no one will judge, no one can bite my thoughts. Because currently, I really feel I need a caring hug. I need a sanctuary. I need a moment of silence and I need someone to just make me feel secured and safe.  I finally went to counselling a few weeks ago and it was okay. I didn't feel like this, going twisted and crazy, after the session, though I was referred to a shrink. Yes, you read that right. A psychiatrist in some layman's terms. I was very hesitant, but I feel I could not control myself anymore, so I am trying as much as possible to psych myself that I nee...

I realized that I should have done this at home. But since I have time, and I tend to be lazy when I am at home, I decided to just do this on my desk when no one can really snoop or read what I am typing.  Saturday was one of the hardest days. Because the inevitable parting ways happened. I don't know why. But I always feel it was my fault. I have this tendency of blaming everything to myself. I even have this tendency of just taking everything in. I know, I know. It's starting to be a bad habit already. I should probably learn how to forgive. But to be honest, that's one thing I have such a hard time doing. Because so many people have wronged me, and so many people have failed and hurt me time and time again, that I don't really know how to forgive and trust again. I hate the person that I have become. But at some point, I feel that this is my defense mechanism from everything in my life.  My mom and grandparents were supposed to go to the province tomorrow, bu...

So as you have noticed. I have been very emotional these past couple of weeks. And I can't really react to every single thing because I am busy. I still have gazillion of things to do.. but.. I can't because I need rest. Been sick the whole week already and I haven't been better. I hope to see a silver lining soon. Been working my ass off and I feel it isn't going anywhere. I have to suck it up until I am able to find a job I really like. I am trying not to settle for less.. but I am also having the desire to do what I really love.  Nowadays, therapy has been crossing my mind. How I wish I have a shrink friend so it won't be so costly. I think I need to have therapy in order for me to live and survive. Life has been really rough on me and sometimes I already think of giving it up. That's why I have been thinking that therapy may be necessary for me.  I am not saying I am not okay. But I can't say I am. I am somewhere. Lost, I guess. But I have to keep ...