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Showing posts from October, 2014

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Homily today was something I never expected to hear today. Gospel talks about loving your neighbor the way you love yourself. But that’s the thing, I don’t even know if I love myself enough. I have been blaming myself for all the bad things that have happened to me, and feeling that I deserved all of it. I thought, after all these years of protecting myself, of walking away from a lot of things, from not getting myself get hurt, I thought I was loving myself more. I realized today that it was how I loved myself, but it wasn’t enough. I have lived all these years in fear. Fear that all those bad things happening again. Getting hurt by the one you love, feeling my heart breaking every time, feeling the pain by every hit someone I care about says to me, or getting shattered by every blow a threat or a punch or anything physical was shown to me by the people I love and care for. I play the victim, because by definition, I am. But I also realized that going to therapy, I am trying

Once upon a time.

One summer, there is a girl who joined a widely known organization. She was 13 then, and was just dragged by her cousin and mom to attend this event. The girl was known to be quite outspoken, but has been sheltered by her family. She has been used to her own little world and doesn’t know what outside entails. After joining this org, she met a lot of people, good and bad. Just barely a month or two after joining, she finds herself in love situations. She thought she fell in love with a boy whom she was good friends with, but turns out, the boy was just all talk. She thought her heart was broken. She felt her heart was broken. She thought she was in love. It turns out, she was misled. It wasn’t really love. Then, someone came. He was one year older than her, someone who was friends with her since she joined. They were both new to the organization. They were in a group together with other newbies and some veterans in the organization. While she was trying to nurse her “broken” he

Therapy session. Work. Hang over. Realizations. Learnings.

So I was planning a very simple post about how elated and over the moon I am at the moment. But I realized it's just my bipolar self. So I will just talk about last Friday night (like yeah the song lol), and until this morning (Sunday morning, October 12).  So I am trying not to drink alcohol anymore, or coffee, but this past few days, I broke my pact my with myself. I'm so sorry Lord, I just needed that. I am trying to come to terms with myself. Not easy.  Anyway, last Friday, I was invited for happy hour by my Nielsen friends. Was hesitant at first because I am so broke and all that, but decided to yeah, actually just go and just break my Friday norm for the past months. It was suce a nice night, actually just going and just having fun and drinking. It was karen, pia, lexi, vit, and me. Then we saw menard, and he was game as well. I was supposed to go at around 9 or 10, but they ended up still tagging me along to Cable Car where crazier things happened. We had happy ho

The one that got away.

A few weeks ago, my bestfriend Kara and I were talking about the past and I mentioned that I think this guy I dated was "the one that got away". She said she doesn't think it was that guy. I wasn't sure. But tonight, I know now who was/is my "one that got away".  Back in 2005. I had a guy bestfriend. He was one of the nicest and kindest guys I have ever met. I don't have bad things to say about him because he has always been caring and kind and lastly, a gentleman. A year after, I started dating him. It was short. Roughly 2 months. It was chaotic that time, and I was impatient. I wasn't understanding, and I couldn't understand why things had to be that way. Will spare you the details since I might have forgotten some of it, or that person might encounter this post.  Three years after, we suddenly saw each other and started hanging out again. After a couple of hang outs, he wanted something more. I wasn't ready. I couldn't tell him my