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Showing posts from 2010

Thanks to being alone for the past few weeks.

I have learned to blog again. On this page, no one can talk behind me, no one can say anything about me, no restrictions, no conditions, no compromises, just me. I miss being alone and myself. I never wanted pleasing people or compromising, or even sacrificing things to make someone happy. I stopped that last one a few years ago. But as for the others, I was never like that. But for the couple of months, I became vulnerable again, gullible. This blog was a witness for everything. But now, this blog is my only friend, my bestfriend. I'm trying to fight the tears while typing, I have been backreading through old posts everywhere. But I guess I had to wake up from that dream. Good thing no one would call me or whatsoever. Good thing I don't talk to anyone who'd remind me of how good those three months were. It was so surreal, I had to snap out of it. Once again, I am back to square one. I will try to live like it never existed. I will try to make myself feel better, and I'
I was supposed to go out today. But the rain is pouring hard. God seriously is on my side. He just cried for me. It's hard to understand things, and myself nowadays. And believe me. I have tried to comprehend a lot of times, but failed. And until now, still the same. 2 people failed me. And I guess after today, I don't want to trust anymore. It sucks. I'm back to trying to cry, but I can't. I'm back to whatever happens, happens. I'm back to everything comes and goes.


I haven't posted anything in forever so I thought I'd post sth again. Time has passed and a lot of things had happened. There are things which we cannot change, things we haven't done, or things we shouldn't have done. But more than that, time can stand and test our personalities and how long we can keep going with life. It's a test on how strong you are, or how can you pass circumstances in whatever endeavor that comes your way. And probably this is something until now, my God is checking on me. For the past years, a lot has changed. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. If not a lot, maybe everything changed about me. I don't know if everything was for the better or for the worst but everyone has his or her opinions regarding such. And I say that myself too. It has both pros and cons. But more than that all I know is that God has plans. I have been wanting to blog and share everything, but I know I cant do that anymore. I am not my old self, and honestly, I don&

Early rant.

Seriously. It's not my fault things are like this. I chose that person over you because I know that it was the right and best decision. I do not regret anything, even after I learned about it. Please don't tell me we'll still be ok, then you go saying such. Ugh. Really. For the record, I have never felt more secured in my entire life being with that person. With you it has always been a gray area. So don't go give me the A.


I was supposed to be sleeping already, since I'm not feeling well. I'm glad you actually slept. But you slept too late. Tsk. And you even got to back read a few of my posts. I am actually doing this, just to celebrate one thing. When you read this, it won't be may 6 yet, or probably past May 6. But still I want to do this. We may be having rough times. But I hope somehow you appreciate this simple thing I'm doing. Probably think of this as well as my reply to that long, sweet post you made in tumblr. Can I put your name here? Pwahaha :P since this is mine people shouldn't really care much. Or if they do and don't like the idea, just keep it to themselves. hahaha. Ok. Where should I start? Probably a few months ago, we were completely strangers. All I know was that I had my account because of a friend, and my friend apparently follows you for reasons we both know so I followed. I liked almost all your posts before or even reblogged them. Then you followed me, and

Effect of having a half day to rest.

Do I really want this? Is this the life I want to have? I am not sure why this going on right now. But all I know is that I am so used to it I don't know how to deal with it when it's gone. A habit that I can't break. But. Not all habits are good. I'm really not sure what is happening. All happened too fast. I couldn't even imagine life without the habit now. I never expected things to be like this between us. All I knew back then that it was something. The friendship we had meant something. It was worth keeping. Until day by day, I was feeling something different. The only difference with that person and now was, both of us right now are so open to each other, I think that we talk about everything. Little things could make us laugh. Those moments are so precious I didn't want it to last. But there's a catch. And I guess there will always be one. That I am not that person. I wasn't the one that this person wished to be with. I didn't mind it at all.

I seriously feel bad.

I couldn't post anywhere but here I think. Come on. Give her some slack. She's just saying her opinion. Honestly. She's not doing anything to anyone. She's sharing what she knows. So just zip it, if anyone's going to say anything bad/not nice to her. She's a nice person, really. And she doesn't deserve all those negative things I am hearing and reading.


Still not sure what to blog about. But I really want to blog regularly, and not like before, that I only get to blog once in 3 months or so. I'll probably share what has been happening to me or something; this might get boring by the minute, so beware. And don't blame me if in the end you might think this is a waste of time. I gave you a warning. Good thing there was a holiday. I found time to watch movies. I watched one movie last Thursday, and one last Friday. Watched Babe I Love You with a friend in Trinoma, and watched Date Night with my best friend and her cousin in SM North. It was cool actually; haven’t had much time in resting, and enjoying others' company. Although I frequently see my best friend, it has been quite some time since we actually watched a movie together. While I was writing my blog, my mood got a little bit off, IDK why. I really have a lot of things in mind plus the fact that I am not feeling well. This is probably the effect of the heat. I am in to

Miss You Like Crazy.

I just got home around 12:30AM. I usually watch John Lloyd movies on the first day of showing, but for some reasons, I didn't this time. Luckily, I had a very nice friend who agreed to accompany me to watch it for last full show. Both characters portrayed their roles as best as they could. Mia, and Allan, met by chance in an unexpected way, place and time. That's when things started to go in circles. Twists and turns, they had to find their way to make it a happily ever after. It may not be as epic as their last movie, One More Chance, but somehow, it did leave a mark to me. It had flaws yes, but the movie is still worth watching, and worth the price at Cinema 7. :) The movie tried to show a different John Lloyd and Bea, more mature roles, and more diversity in acting. I salute not only the main characters, but everyone who's part of the movie. They've done a job good enough to pull the movie through. There are lines really worth remembering, and scenes which I think wo

It'll be ok.

I promise to vent it out first before getting ready to leave. Sorry. If ever you come across this post, this would sound ranting, or depressed, or simply rant. Apologies for the post in advance. This is a mixture of sadness, relief, stress, confusion, happiness and everything else in between all rolled into one. My life has always been an open secret to everyone, well, for the past 20 years that is. But ever since I started working, I felt my life completely changing into something I wasn't and I never imagined I would be. I had been secluded to other people, scared to take risks, being within my comfort zones, and just simply living day by day as it is. My life could get more boring than ever. But sometimes, I still have that spontaneity within me. I get to hang out with friends once in a while, I tend to text few friends for out of nowhere drinking sessions, 5 minute breaks, lunch-outs and the like. I feel that I was getting my life back, or I thought so. Everyone knows that my l

Ok. I am feeling weird.

I am starting to check this person's profile, not because I am interested, but because I'd like to know something. :| It's freaky! And yes, I am happy that Super Junior won. And I am freakingly proud of Kyuhyun! Yes, everdearest Kyuhyun. You are now officially on my bias list. I was having doubts, but now. It's certainly official. I love you too :) Kuddos to my first love, SS501 for having their concert in BKK. You made my day today, by letting me see that Hyun Joong, Leader Love, is I think starting to grow his hair again (keeping my fingers crossed). That Kyu keeps getting better, and more handsome everyday. Young Saeng, who sported a weird hair, during the presscon, managed to pull through his growing hair (too) and looked good with it. Jung Min, who has the best hair next to Hyun Joong, and has always that friendly aura with everyone, and anywhere. And Maknae Hyung Joon, which until now, I am still trying to figure out that something keeps me drawing to you.

I can't get over.

I won't sleep until I blog this. I am not in any way drunk or whatever. I just can't not blog. I have tried my very best to be ok. And until now, I realized I haven't gotten over it, one single bit. "It's not something I am ashamed of, but it's not something that can be shared easily." -a friend TO MY FRIEND: I will always love you. You know that. I am sad and I am pissed to know I haven't done anything for you for the past years that it happened. But you're such a strong person. I wish I could have that same strength that you have. I do love you, to death and forever. You will really never know a person well enough. That's one thing I have learned. It can even be our family members, or friends. But you'll really never know them. I have learned a lot of things the hard way, and right now. I really feel I am breaking down, like what I felt last year, around April or May. I didn't know why I am blogging right now. But all I know is that I

Looking back 2009. I read my blog (the link above) when I got back this morning from a hella crazy night. Reading my past blog, I know I had to blog once again. It's been a while since I blogged anything. Haha. This year, was g enerally so so. Had my highs and lows as well. And I want to share it in detail. Seriously, in detail. I ended 2008 breaking u p with Kat. For thos of you who don't know, I had an almost 1 year official relationship with a girl AGAIN. And of course, after the break-up, we were still in contact so technically, we werent completely over each other. I started 2009 with high hopes o f us getting back together, and us fixing things. But instead, we separated ways after a few months. We celebrated our anniversary yes, but after that, I guess it was not meant to be. As of now, we still talk sometimes, but nonetheless, a lot has changed, for her and for me. She's moving to a different department, a department I highly recom