I was supposed to be sleeping already, since I'm not feeling well. I'm glad you actually slept. But you slept too late. Tsk. And you even got to back read a few of my posts. I am actually doing this, just to celebrate one thing. When you read this, it won't be may 6 yet, or probably past May 6. But still I want to do this. We may be having rough times. But I hope somehow you appreciate this simple thing I'm doing. Probably think of this as well as my reply to that long, sweet post you made in tumblr. Can I put your name here? Pwahaha :P since this is mine people shouldn't really care much. Or if they do and don't like the idea, just keep it to themselves. hahaha.
Ok. Where should I start? Probably a few months ago, we were completely strangers. All I know was that I had my account because of a friend, and my friend apparently follows you for reasons we both know so I followed. I liked almost all your posts before or even reblogged them. Then you followed me, and had simple and short conversations there. And then, since we got acquainted, we say hi's and hello's and small talks. Then I got really bothered one day and wanted to talk to someone. I don't know why, but I actually thought of you. And it was timely that I haven't been posting much. So I decided to befriend you and open up things. I never knew that we would be close, but all I know that time was I think you're a nice person, and would be very easy to talk to. I was so right. I am glad I did open up. I am glad that I got to be friends with you. I'll never have what I have right now if not for you.
I was actually reading your tweets since the time we started following each other, and it was nice to know we became friends. I even save almost all our conversations and ask messages I send you, to make sure I keep track on all the things I tell you. I'm forgetful too, you know. But not THAT forgetful. Haha! I like saving them, reminding me of good times spent with you. This is also the only way I get to have the grasp of you, and me, of us, if there is still us. I don't know how things came to where we are, but I am glad that despite the hardships we went and we are going through. I am happy to have known you and you have been part of my life.
After that first tumblr ask message, it became a few messages, until I asked you if we can talk through a messenger. And apparently, you DL-ed ym on your phone. It was nice of you to do so, and I was happy you did. That first YM conversation we had was fun. We got the chance to talk, to really share thoughts real time, and just be ourselves. We just clicked. We instantly understood each other. That's when I knew that you'll be someone I don't want to lose. That you'll be someone I'd like to keep for keeps. You shared your own story, and it was nice to know you could share those kinds of things to me. i didn't oblige you to even share, since I just did mine because I want to be friends, but you did, and I am thankful really. I think that YM conversation brought us closer. The next YM conversation we had, I told you not to YM while driving, since you messaged me on the stoplight. I told you I'll punch you in the face if you do. That time, I knew you were someone special. I knew that it was just I wanted to be friends, close friends, but that I want to get to know you better so do take care of yourself. You said sorry, and from that time, you never YMed me on the road. It was nice of you to do that. And it was nice to know you did listen to me. I felt that at one point, I wished we'd be closed than where we were at that time. Then days pass by, we started talking every day. Not 1 day lasted that no conversation was made, through YM and twitter. It was nice to know, that we were starting to get to know each other. But I noticed you had so much time talking to me than that person you were telling me about. That moment, I wished I was in that person's shoes. I wished that i was the person you care for most deeply. I really wished I was in the person's shoes. But I knew you cared too much for that person. That’s why in one of our conversations, I told you I could be your all around. I told you I could be there for you anytime, and I could be anything you want. You asked me if lover was included, and I did not say anything. I didn't want you to know my feelings, because I was scared. The usual scaredy cat I am, which all my friends know about. But for you, at times, I felt I was willing to lose it if I could have you. I wanted you, I didn't even know why. I just felt I liked you. I want you to be with me. Too sudden, but still I want to. As days passed by, we had an exclusive pet name, which we both decided, and we say I love you's to each other like we mean it. I wasn't sure if all those times you meant it as a friend, but as for me, I think I meant it as it was, and until now, I mean it as it is. I do love you.
Then that time came, that you became honest with me and told me how you felt. I wasn't sure about the exact date, but the first time you told me about it, you told me you liked me. After a few days, you told me you love me. I was really surprised. Because I wanted to tell you how I felt, because I thought it was just the usual like like that I have. But I was wrong. When you told me you loved me, my heart skipped, and I felt like I was in cloud 9. I even told friends about this, and they were happy for me. At last, an opportunity of falling in love and being with the person I want. But it always scares the hell out of me. So I still didn't say anything. But after a few days, I told you how I felt. I wasn’t sure how you took it, but I'm glad I did tell you. I am glad that we had the same thoughts and feelings. I’m glad that at some point I was willing to risk and fall in love again because of you.
We couldn't really get enough of each other. We YM text and call and twitter. Even tumblr. We try to have communication every day, as to maintain what we have. But then I had to go to SG, and decide on matters I had to decide even before you came along. I wanted to make sure about you and me, and about that person I went to for SG. In SG, we talked and texted. We tried our best to keep an open communication. But before I left for SG, I had this crazy thought, and actually decided to let you in my life. After more than a year of being single, after a year of pushing people away, I decided to choose you over everyone else. It was all too sudden, but I only felt this one for you out of all the people who I know could have me. I only felt that spark, that happiness, and that security with you. You make me fall for you every day, despite the fact that I warned you not to make me fall in love with you, because I know I would fall. I knew that if you do something, you surely will have me. And you did, until I don't know when. But I hope despite what we are experiencing right now, time will come that things will be good for us, that you and I can be us, forever.
When I got back, that’s where the real challenges start. How to maintain this, how to tell the people about this and the list goes on. But honestly, for all I care. I wanted you. I wanted this. I wanted us. But, I had to consider your side, how your friends and family would feel and react. So I tried to ignore it, tried not to show it. I tried not to be bothered about things but it was really hard. I am trying still not to think about others but when I think about the risks you’re taking, I am not sure if I could see you in pain when the time comes thing fall apart, and relationships are lost or at stake. I want to be there for you every day, and I want you to be with me every day. But it’s hard. You know, coz I know you feel it too. But despite distance if I would be given a choice, I’d still choose you over anyone else atm, because I wanted this. But I have to think about other people and you before my own selfish choices... I’m not sure about what will happen the next few days weeks, and months. But I know God has a reason for everything. And as for me? I don’t really know if I could get the grasp of this. I don’t know how to handle this, what we have, your love, and what we share. I’m scared. But you make things so worth it every time you tell me you love me. But I don’t know. Everything scares the hell out of me. But I hope after you read this, I do hope you know how I think and feel. And somehow, you’ll know how to handle me. I honestly don’t know what to do.
You’re at the brink of giving up as well. I don’t know. But at least I got to tell this to you. That’s the least I can do.
Happy 1 month of our friendship, Val. Happy 1 month of good memories, and good times. April 6, will be one epic day for me. So will be April 27.
I love you. I really do. I want to wake up every morning beside you, I want to go home and see you waiting for me. I want to sleep knowing the next morning you’re still there. I want to share breakfast and dinners with you. I’d like to watch movies, watch the sunset, share stories, share silence, and share randomness and nothingness with you. I want to try. I’m scared but I want to. I don’t know what to do. I want to try at least, so if ever *knock on wood* and it fails, at least I have no regrets. Meeting you and being where we are, I think is meant to be. I’d like to think that.
I miss you everyday, like crazy.
Happy one month Baby.
Ok. Where should I start? Probably a few months ago, we were completely strangers. All I know was that I had my account because of a friend, and my friend apparently follows you for reasons we both know so I followed. I liked almost all your posts before or even reblogged them. Then you followed me, and had simple and short conversations there. And then, since we got acquainted, we say hi's and hello's and small talks. Then I got really bothered one day and wanted to talk to someone. I don't know why, but I actually thought of you. And it was timely that I haven't been posting much. So I decided to befriend you and open up things. I never knew that we would be close, but all I know that time was I think you're a nice person, and would be very easy to talk to. I was so right. I am glad I did open up. I am glad that I got to be friends with you. I'll never have what I have right now if not for you.
I was actually reading your tweets since the time we started following each other, and it was nice to know we became friends. I even save almost all our conversations and ask messages I send you, to make sure I keep track on all the things I tell you. I'm forgetful too, you know. But not THAT forgetful. Haha! I like saving them, reminding me of good times spent with you. This is also the only way I get to have the grasp of you, and me, of us, if there is still us. I don't know how things came to where we are, but I am glad that despite the hardships we went and we are going through. I am happy to have known you and you have been part of my life.
After that first tumblr ask message, it became a few messages, until I asked you if we can talk through a messenger. And apparently, you DL-ed ym on your phone. It was nice of you to do so, and I was happy you did. That first YM conversation we had was fun. We got the chance to talk, to really share thoughts real time, and just be ourselves. We just clicked. We instantly understood each other. That's when I knew that you'll be someone I don't want to lose. That you'll be someone I'd like to keep for keeps. You shared your own story, and it was nice to know you could share those kinds of things to me. i didn't oblige you to even share, since I just did mine because I want to be friends, but you did, and I am thankful really. I think that YM conversation brought us closer. The next YM conversation we had, I told you not to YM while driving, since you messaged me on the stoplight. I told you I'll punch you in the face if you do. That time, I knew you were someone special. I knew that it was just I wanted to be friends, close friends, but that I want to get to know you better so do take care of yourself. You said sorry, and from that time, you never YMed me on the road. It was nice of you to do that. And it was nice to know you did listen to me. I felt that at one point, I wished we'd be closed than where we were at that time. Then days pass by, we started talking every day. Not 1 day lasted that no conversation was made, through YM and twitter. It was nice to know, that we were starting to get to know each other. But I noticed you had so much time talking to me than that person you were telling me about. That moment, I wished I was in that person's shoes. I wished that i was the person you care for most deeply. I really wished I was in the person's shoes. But I knew you cared too much for that person. That’s why in one of our conversations, I told you I could be your all around. I told you I could be there for you anytime, and I could be anything you want. You asked me if lover was included, and I did not say anything. I didn't want you to know my feelings, because I was scared. The usual scaredy cat I am, which all my friends know about. But for you, at times, I felt I was willing to lose it if I could have you. I wanted you, I didn't even know why. I just felt I liked you. I want you to be with me. Too sudden, but still I want to. As days passed by, we had an exclusive pet name, which we both decided, and we say I love you's to each other like we mean it. I wasn't sure if all those times you meant it as a friend, but as for me, I think I meant it as it was, and until now, I mean it as it is. I do love you.
Then that time came, that you became honest with me and told me how you felt. I wasn't sure about the exact date, but the first time you told me about it, you told me you liked me. After a few days, you told me you love me. I was really surprised. Because I wanted to tell you how I felt, because I thought it was just the usual like like that I have. But I was wrong. When you told me you loved me, my heart skipped, and I felt like I was in cloud 9. I even told friends about this, and they were happy for me. At last, an opportunity of falling in love and being with the person I want. But it always scares the hell out of me. So I still didn't say anything. But after a few days, I told you how I felt. I wasn’t sure how you took it, but I'm glad I did tell you. I am glad that we had the same thoughts and feelings. I’m glad that at some point I was willing to risk and fall in love again because of you.
We couldn't really get enough of each other. We YM text and call and twitter. Even tumblr. We try to have communication every day, as to maintain what we have. But then I had to go to SG, and decide on matters I had to decide even before you came along. I wanted to make sure about you and me, and about that person I went to for SG. In SG, we talked and texted. We tried our best to keep an open communication. But before I left for SG, I had this crazy thought, and actually decided to let you in my life. After more than a year of being single, after a year of pushing people away, I decided to choose you over everyone else. It was all too sudden, but I only felt this one for you out of all the people who I know could have me. I only felt that spark, that happiness, and that security with you. You make me fall for you every day, despite the fact that I warned you not to make me fall in love with you, because I know I would fall. I knew that if you do something, you surely will have me. And you did, until I don't know when. But I hope despite what we are experiencing right now, time will come that things will be good for us, that you and I can be us, forever.
When I got back, that’s where the real challenges start. How to maintain this, how to tell the people about this and the list goes on. But honestly, for all I care. I wanted you. I wanted this. I wanted us. But, I had to consider your side, how your friends and family would feel and react. So I tried to ignore it, tried not to show it. I tried not to be bothered about things but it was really hard. I am trying still not to think about others but when I think about the risks you’re taking, I am not sure if I could see you in pain when the time comes thing fall apart, and relationships are lost or at stake. I want to be there for you every day, and I want you to be with me every day. But it’s hard. You know, coz I know you feel it too. But despite distance if I would be given a choice, I’d still choose you over anyone else atm, because I wanted this. But I have to think about other people and you before my own selfish choices... I’m not sure about what will happen the next few days weeks, and months. But I know God has a reason for everything. And as for me? I don’t really know if I could get the grasp of this. I don’t know how to handle this, what we have, your love, and what we share. I’m scared. But you make things so worth it every time you tell me you love me. But I don’t know. Everything scares the hell out of me. But I hope after you read this, I do hope you know how I think and feel. And somehow, you’ll know how to handle me. I honestly don’t know what to do.
You’re at the brink of giving up as well. I don’t know. But at least I got to tell this to you. That’s the least I can do.
Happy 1 month of our friendship, Val. Happy 1 month of good memories, and good times. April 6, will be one epic day for me. So will be April 27.
I love you. I really do. I want to wake up every morning beside you, I want to go home and see you waiting for me. I want to sleep knowing the next morning you’re still there. I want to share breakfast and dinners with you. I’d like to watch movies, watch the sunset, share stories, share silence, and share randomness and nothingness with you. I want to try. I’m scared but I want to. I don’t know what to do. I want to try at least, so if ever *knock on wood* and it fails, at least I have no regrets. Meeting you and being where we are, I think is meant to be. I’d like to think that.
I miss you everyday, like crazy.
Happy one month Baby.
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