So I am trying to just write it out here. Whether I cry or smile or whatnot. Just for today, I would like to just keep writing what I think and feel. This won't be the last, but I am hopeful that this will help.
Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it.
I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference.
A lot of good things or okay things are happening. I should feel happy or contented. But I am sad. I miss her. Everyday. But I can't do anything about it. I guess I am back to blogging and writing everyday so that I would be able to eventually stop contacting her. That eventually I will get her out of my system. To be honest. I just want to be beside her. Doing nothing. Holding her hand. I want her hug to remind me I am not alone, that I have her to come home to. I feel so lost and so sad. I didn't think I could get lower than I was the past months.
I feel so alone and hopeless.
Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it.
I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference.
A lot of good things or okay things are happening. I should feel happy or contented. But I am sad. I miss her. Everyday. But I can't do anything about it. I guess I am back to blogging and writing everyday so that I would be able to eventually stop contacting her. That eventually I will get her out of my system. To be honest. I just want to be beside her. Doing nothing. Holding her hand. I want her hug to remind me I am not alone, that I have her to come home to. I feel so lost and so sad. I didn't think I could get lower than I was the past months.
I feel so alone and hopeless.
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