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Here we go.

So I am trying to just write it out here. Whether I cry or smile or whatnot. Just for today, I would like to just keep writing what I think and feel. This won't be the last, but I am hopeful that this will help.

Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it.

I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference.

A lot of good things or okay things are happening. I should feel happy or contented. But I am sad. I miss her. Everyday. But I can't do anything about it. I guess I am back to blogging and writing everyday so that I would be able to eventually stop contacting her. That eventually I will get her out of my system. To be honest. I just want to be beside her. Doing nothing. Holding her hand. I want her hug to remind me I am not alone, that I have her to come home to. I feel so lost and so sad. I didn't think I could get lower than I was the past months.

I feel so alone and hopeless.

Comments

My sympathies. Strange how we turn to the internet to express our sadness. Where you don't even know if someone will see your post, or react, or reach out. I'm hear for those very same reasons. Sending a hug.

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