Looking back 2009.

http://marge0256.multiply.com/journal/item/119/2008.


I read my blog (the link above) when I got back this morning from a hella crazy night. Reading my past blog, I know I had to blog once again. It's been a while since I blogged anything. Haha. This year, was generally so so. Had my highs and lows as well. And I want to share it in detail. Seriously, in detail.

I ended 2008 breaking up with Kat. For thos of you who don't know, I had an almost 1 year official relationship with a girl AGAIN. And of course, after the break-up, we were still in contact so technically, we werent completely over each other. I started 2009 with high hopes of us getting back together, and us fixing things. But instead, we separated ways after a few months. We celebrated our anniversary yes, but after that, I guess it was not meant to be. As of now, we still talk sometimes, but nonetheless, a lot has changed, for her and for me. She's moving to a different department, a department I highly recommended her. We still help each othe rout, but technically, 2009 was already a year we had gotten over everything. So far so good.

I experienced my first JAPAN year end at work. MARCH 09 was crazy for me. It was the first time ever I realized I am so into my work, and I can't live without it. Spend days, weeks, OT-ing until wee hours of the morning. I realized I can do it. I realized how I love my work even though every quarter end I feel like resigning already. I have survived 1 year being a temp employee, and got regularized in August 2009. Now I enjoy all the benefits an employee should have. Had my first quarterly bonus last November, looking forward this Feb for my next. haha! I feel that I won't be resigning anytime soon. Sometimes I feel like quitting, but I enjoy somehow what I do, and I can't live without my teammates. They're the best teammates I had ever had. Not that I don't love my CVG teammates, or wavemates any less. I miss them actually. I miss my CVG friends. I'm glad that I have met them. Actually, I might see them this January, 2 of the closest friends in CVG. KILLERS WITH THEM IF EVER. FTW!

2009 was a good year, NOT - A GREAT YEAR FOR FAMILY. I had to endure so much to reach this level of relationship with my family. I ended 2008 with issues with them, but everything went well 2009. Our family ties got tested this year. How strong my relationship was with my family. My mom knew one of the 2 deepest secrets I had. I thought she'll kill me for doing so, but not. I love her to death. She had stuck with me ever since that moment. My relationship with my mom has been the best ever since, even with my sister. We've been close as ever. Also, my relationship with my half-brother had been established very well. I enjoyed a lot of quality time with my sister in law, my half brother and ever so cute little princess :) And the last week of December, I thought I would be seeing my dad, I guess not. It wasn't meant to be. I went to my grandparents' house and saw my dad's relatives with my halfbrother and his family. Haven't seen them for so long, Mixed emotions, but all good. I'm glad to see my grandparents both ok and healthy.

Friendships made, tested, renewed, and everything else in between. 2009 has been a year full of rollercoaster rides when it comes to this. Old friends, new friends, everything else in between. Met HS friends again early this year, went out and visited STC as well, June 2009. Constant communication with my bestfriend for 9 years, Kara. My ex/bestfriend left for SG in June, a very close friend since grade school left for the States in March. Had bonding time with officemates. Met a lot of friends in FANDOM. regained, lost. Met random people on my journey as well. Gym days with my bestfriend for a month. YFC-UST loves has been with me through thick and thin. SFC friends. Besty. Bes. Celebrated my 22nd birthday with family and friends, stayed up several nights with ramdom hangouts with Anjo. Missed my daughters Bagie and Kristal. A lot of things thankful for and saddened me in 2009 with this. But like what most people say, life has to go on.

Love has never been a point for me this year. The harder I tried, the more I felt it wasn't for me anymore. Kat, Ogie, and the list might just go on. SUE ME. I have so much to give, but never met the right person. I'm just glad I had moments to spare, and moments to spend. This was one thing which was always out of topic for me. I don't know why, but I guess life has been unfair to me about it. Failed so many times, especially this year I guess. But of course, God never fails to amaze me. Never fails to seek the best in me. I know now where to stand, where to move, and where to start. 2010 will be a year I am looking forward to, for so many reasons.

I know I might not have the best relationship with God this year, but I joined SFC this year. I might have not been active, but I know that through SFC, my relationship with God went to a different level. I see God more as someone who I could be with for the rest of my life. God as someone who could be my friend, and someone who will stick with me. I see him in a more mature, realistic and idealistic way as well. It may not be that obvious, but my relationship with God is in that level, I know that despite not being able to serve through SFC, I try my best to be the person he wanted me to be.

Lastly, I left this as the last, as this was the biggest thing for me this year. MY FANDOM. It started around June or July this year. I became a fan of BOF even if I have never watched it, around May. I have always loved the Taiwanese version of that show. So I knew that it would be a hit, and it would be nice. I saw one episode already in ABS-CBN and I fell in love. But I didn't have time, nor the DVD of it. I wanted to watch with Eng subs, and not the dubbed one. So finally, after several months, July, I had time to watch. I did watch it for 2 straight days. Bath and food and bathroom were the only rest moments I had. Haha. All else, FAIL. And this started my fandom. Fell in love with this guy named as Ji Hoo Sunbae, known as Kim Hyun Joong. He had this band, SS501, who had a cameo in one of the episodes. Checked them out. And hell they're very good looking. HAHA. After, watched We Got Married and fell in love with Kim Hyun Joong the shillang, the singer, and the 4D guy. After watched past videos and guestings of SS501. And fell in love with all of them.

I reached to a point wherein all I do is spazz all day. F5 was my bestfriend. Google was a must, youtube is loved. Then, I met someone. BIANCA :) I wasn't sure how it started, but we ended up spazzing all the way. She apparently has been a fan for months and is addicted to SS501 as well, and loves Leader as well. We both had same interests with the boys, and I felt that having same interest in school (she's an econ major too) I guess it just felt like it was meant to be for us to be friends. She, my ultimate spazzmate, introduced me to TSPH. She wasn;t a very active member, but she joined and taught me how forums work. I actually was an inactive member of Quainte, the international forum for SS501, but never posted. Guess was still to shy to admit the fangirl in me. After a month of joining and being an inactive member, I became a member of TS PH. Met a lot of people with same interest as mine = SS501. And hell. Met hardcore fans, fans with other fandoms, and all else in between. Never thought that I'd be into the fangirling thing. If you ask me how this came about, it was because I was too depressed about a certain guy. YES. If you know me personally, you'll sure know who this guy was. And then I found my outlet. Watching DVDs. Yes. While I was fangirling, I started watching more shows. From Hana Kimi, to Hana Yori Dango (where I met Shun Oguri love), to Kim Sam Soon, to Princess Hours and Full House. Oh yes. I watched them all almost without rest.

Ok, back to the fangirling. I met a lot of friends in the fandom business. BIANCA WAS FIRST. Then I met a few people from TS PH. There were a lot of people who left a mark in me (good/not so good) but there were 2 people, who I am sure I won't forget ever. Cresa and ate nette. The friendship that started from being lurking queens, to the friendship that is continuing from work, to family, to lovelife, and to everything else in between. Even complications and all the drama. I am so happy to have met them in one way or the other. Surviving the fangirling business was hard, but somehow they made it easier for me to bear. Met the Makati girls, who I became very close with since offices are walking distance. Friendships made over lunch, dinner and spazzing. :) More friends were met in fangirling. Too many to mention, but I'm sure they know who they are. Some are for keeps, some are just for fandom. I might have learned a thing or two about fandom and friendships the hard way, but I know that God has plans. Friendships if real, will always be there. Despite distance and gaps. I am sure that everything has its own reasons.

Another thing that came up, that made my fangirling life memorable was being part of Quainte Team. Didn't expect for it to happen, but hardwork paid off I must say. I applied ofr a moderator position in the forum, hoping that the spazzing, and checking out on all updates would be put into good use. I wasn't sure why, I knew that I would have busy months, but I knew that I wanted to share SS501 love. So I did apply, and currently, I am part of the team. Still trying my best to do well, and to make the most out of what I have.

Fandom has reached to its level when I went to Hong Kong. So random. I didn't even expect that I'll be there. Special metion goes to the Hong Kong girls. Ate Weng, Queen Nette, Ate Mitch, Ate Jenny, Arrah, Ate Ems, Ate Lyn, Ate Ayene, Jehdy oppa (I miss you super!), Kasu and Ate CJ.

These girls were with me through those 5 days in Hong Kong. Managed to live on my own, without my mom. Felt independent. But realized how much I missed my mom, and how she meant to me. I know that 2010 might be the last year we'll be together. As I am entering another phase in my life. But it would always fall in the right timing. if things are just meant to be. That Hong Kong experience made a fangirl's dream come true. Thank you to everyone making it possible. I owe everyone of the girls a lot, because they made it possible. My dream of seeing SS501 in the flesh was possible because of them.




Seeing SS501 in the flesh was such a heartwarming experience. It was unexplainable. The rush seeing 5 gorgeous men sing and dance, and show what they can for their fans, so heart felt. Even though it was only in Chinese and Koean, since HK fans are Chinese, I felt the love of these 5 Young men for all their fans. The concert didn't sink in to me until I got back from the trip. Experienced that hype of shouting, spazzing, stalking, purchasing merchandise. Name it. I may have done all of those.

The trip was also special because it was a first for me travelling alone, and meeting a friend in a different place for the first time. Ate Nette was such a loving person, and a sweetheart I knew meeting her was so worth it. :) I had a lot of good times with her in a foreign land. She knows it very well. And all our conversations are well kept in our hearts.

A week after meeting Ate Nette, I got the chance to meet the other Queen. Cresa. Even though I was so busy, I managed and tried to find time to meet her. Apologies for the shortcomings queen, it was really a busy season for me. But I was so glad in meeting her. We had shared a lot of good times, had our moments, and well spent times with other TS PH members. :) On the last day of meeting her, we went out end spent Christmas eve. I was hoping and wishing until now that Ate Nette, Cresa, and I will have our time. Together. I know one day we will.

Towards the end of the year, probably around late November or early December, I met another band that changed my fangirling life as well. I met one guy first, like how I started with SS501. I met Taeyang, originally Dong Young Bae from Big Bang. He had this single, which Bianca wanted me to hear. After listening to it, I instantly fell in love with the song. After quite sometime. Seeing his performances on YT, I got very inetersted and read quite a bit about him. AND HE WAS TO DIE FOR. :) I wasn't sure if this was just withdrawal, until now, but I know Big Bang and Taeyang has been a part of my daily routine, alongside SS501. Not sure which comes first right now. But I know SS501 opened a lot of doors for me. Meeting a lot of people, understanding Hallyu, Korea, Korean drama, Korean music and the like. It took me to places, and gave me a wider understanding on life. But I know that as days, months and years pass, my maturity will reach to different levels, and now, my fandom has reached to a different level. I am not that all out spazzer who spazzes 24/7, I am not that fan who would die to see my crush/love with another woman, or learning info regarding their lovelife. I am not a selfish fan anymore. And my preference changed as well. I saw a lot about life because of this fandom. And I am continuing to live life, bringing all these to my everyday tasks, and the like. This has opened a lot for me. I owe a lot to it. But I know, change is the only constant thing in this world. I know that things might change, even fandoms do, but I will carry whatever I have to all the fandoms and life experiences I will encounter.

As 2009 has ended with a BANG, spending it with immediate family, complete. This was the first time I got to spend it with my half brother, my mom, my sister, my sister in law and my niece, 2010 has started with a BIG BANG as well, opening the year at 12MN with family, and spending the night of Jan 1, 2010 with closest grade school friends. I know that I will look forward to this year. To another decade.

Cheers to love, life, family, friendships, fandom, to faith, and to God. All the best for this year, all the best for 2010. ♥

Apologies for the very long post. I like posted the past year of my LIFE. :)