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Showing posts from March, 2015

My innermost thoughts.

I am not sure if someone still reads this blog of mine, but it's kind of odd posting about this thing I wanted to write about, looking at my last post. (ha!) But, as odd as it sounds, I might as well shed a light to myself by writing what I wanted to write.  If I were to be asked the craziest thing I have done so far, it would probably be last Sunday. Mind you. Not just because it isn't my personality, but because I know that I would probably not do it again unless I am just as desperate as hell.  I went out last Sunday. Yep, last Sunday. With a guy I barely know. I even went to his place. I met him online dating app (oh yeah, di pa ako nadadala with all this online crap). I have probably told this story to friends, but now I blog this, because I would like to document this moment, and embarrass myself (lol the sarcasm). Kidding aside, I would like to write it down and look back one day and see what I did with my life, and maybe judge my crazy self, and hopefully, one day,

This is it.

I have been talking to someone for months how I have been wanting to do something that will test me to my limit, and this Monday, I found an opportunity to do so. As one of my good friends/mentors mentioned, it can work both ways for me. It can help me regain something, or, it can make me go downward spiral and go back possibly somewhere behind I am now, or worse. As I type this, my mind is really going nuts. I have a huge headache, my heartbeat is faster every time that thought comes, and my heart may not be ready for what Monday is about to bring me. I call the heavens and the stars, and I pray to God that Monday will take me somewhere good. I will try not to think about it too much, but I am worried this weekend might bring me more nightmares than usual. Dear God, I don't ask for much. But today, I really pray that Monday will be okay. I do not want to end up somewhere I have never experienced, or something I did and would never want to go back ever.