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Showing posts from 2016

To whom it may concern

Hello,  I'm just writing down to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and like I say sometimes, when things come out, it becomes real. I guess, this time, this become real. I'm very very sad. It has been months since I have gone to therapy, and I have been in my saddest for quite some time. There are days I felt like giving up, days wherein day and night, all I think about is how I should die, or how to end my life, everything that is hard and hurting, and there are days I feel like I can do anything in this world, fearless and unstoppable.  Yesterday was once again a deal breaker. I felt stuffed and hurt, I felt I was not someone to be proud of, and I felt abandoned. Like I said, maybe it is for the best. I don't intend to win you over again, but I do intend to watch you from afar and just be there for you in case you need someone. I really want to be your friend, I really want to be in your life, whatever way or form. I feel like you're one of the few peopl

How do you say goodbye?

To my bestfriend, my partner, my confidant, my love, Today marks the last day of us being together. I have to say good bye to you because I believe this will be the best for the both of us. I am leaving without regrets, but just tears in my eyes and sadness. It breaks my heart that I am not just losing a loved one, but a best friend too. The past year and three months, you made me feel less alone. You made me feel I always have someone to call my own, and I have someone who had my back, even if you weren’t so sure how to take care of me and be there for me in my difficult days. The past month has been the happiest and most content I felt since five months ago, but I cant stay because we both know I wish there was something more. I don’t know if it was just me or I was expecting too much, but I felt that the time I gave you was more than enough to rethink our current situation. I have to admit, Im used to no labels. But I guess sometimes, age tends to tell you that certainty in

This is Me Finally Closing The Chapter of Us

This Is Me Finally Closing The Chapter Of Us I read this a few days ago and it clearly spoke to me. This sums up how my current relationship/friendship is with someone. I know I am not ready to let go. But I am trying to make all the excuses to myself so that I could either hold on or let go already. But who knows? Maybe the right time has come. That no matter how much you care about the person, maybe now is not the right time. Or maybe now isn't what its supposed to be. Maybe not today, maybe tomorrow, but somewhere along the way I feel it would happen. Sucks, I know. I am still in the midst of thinking about it, but let's see. Hope you enjoy reading the article as much as I did. A little sad, but I realized sometimes our realities can be sad. We just have to choose how to live with it, or die with it. Click on the link above.


Would you mind if I still loved you? Would you mind if things don't last? Would you mind if I hold onto You so that I won't crash? Morning light, I'm at your door One last time, and no one's there (Nobody, nobody, nobody, no...) Drove all night, just to beat you home Would you mind if I waited? Would you mind if I wait right here? And I really, really, wanna love you And I'm really only yours Even if it don't last forever, I wanna let you know We really had something special, it's hard tryna let it go I'm just being honest, I'm still in the moment Would you mind if I still loved you? Would you mind if things don't last? Would you mind if I hold onto You so that I won't crash? Up all night, can't let go Won't stop trying, need you to know It's worth the fight, if I get back come Hope you don't mind I waited Would you mind if I wait right here? And I really, really, wanna love you And I'm r


Home by Reese Lansangan Verse I:  Oh my love  Did they tell you  Just how long a time  It took for me to get to you  And when the world  Said it's impossible  Said it's improbable  The chances of me finding you  Pre-chorus:  But nobody knows  How we go  When we're alone  It's like we're home  Chorus:  My bones are safe  And my heart can rest  Knowing it belongs to you  My world is changed  And it's cradled by  The comfort that is you  Ooh  Verse II:  Oh my love  My head is reeling  And I am running out of air  I need to breathe in  I didn't know  That it was possible  To put all that I am  In the palm of your hand  Now we're unstoppable  Pre-chorus:  But nobody knows  How we go  When we're alone  It's like we're home  Bridge:  But nobody knows  How we go  When we're alone  It's like we're home Commissioned song, it was made for Vic Sotto and Pauleen Luna's wedding. 

Dearest Kaila.

I just thought of making one post for you, pouring it out here and after this, will start to move on already. Meeting you was a surprise, and getting to know you even was much more unexpected. It has been 2 years since I lost Val, and I was still trying to move on from our break up. Weeks before meeting you, Val and I talked, and even if we decided that it was for the best. I think I wouldn't lose her completely because she knew she was still existing in my dreams. But then, I met you and everything changed. Gradually. I still miss her, from time to time, but having you with me and hugging me when I have a bad day, I know it was the right choice of standing by you all these months. It was never easy, opening up to you, getting to know you, meeting you in secret and then going out in dating you. I had to make a lot of choices, I made mistakes, but in the end, I chose to be with you because you made me happy. Despite all the circumstances we keep on going through, I can still say t

Planning for the not so near future.

I haven't had the chance to write anything in a really long time.  I guess I'm putting it out here, so that I can let things out of my head.  I'm very good at play pretend and showing that things are okay even though I am hanging on to dear life and things are just bad.  I don't have the patience with anything nowadays and I'm really mad. Like dead mad all the time. I can always scream and shout if I can. But I choose not to talk to people and in the end I tend to be very annoyed and angry and sometimes or most of the time I just sound cranky and a bit to people.  I also don't have the patience nowadays. I don't like waiting, and I am irritated all the time.  I have a lot of things to be angry and annoyed about but I will try not to say anything because after all this is an open blog.  Anyway. How have I been? My therapist asked me this last Saturday. To be honest. I haven't been okay. I am not okay. I just want to burst out crying. I want t