Dearest Kaila.

I just thought of making one post for you, pouring it out here and after this, will start to move on already.

Meeting you was a surprise, and getting to know you even was much more unexpected. It has been 2 years since I lost Val, and I was still trying to move on from our break up. Weeks before meeting you, Val and I talked, and even if we decided that it was for the best. I think I wouldn't lose her completely because she knew she was still existing in my dreams. But then, I met you and everything changed. Gradually. I still miss her, from time to time, but having you with me and hugging me when I have a bad day, I know it was the right choice of standing by you all these months. It was never easy, opening up to you, getting to know you, meeting you in secret and then going out in dating you. I had to make a lot of choices, I made mistakes, but in the end, I chose to be with you because you made me happy. Despite all the circumstances we keep on going through, I can still say that I look forward coming home to you. At the end of the day, I knew then I will have you to come home to. But the recent circumstance I am in changed that. I knew I had to pick already what's best for you. You may not see it, but I chose not to be with you, because that's how much I value you as a friend, as my person.

Loving me isn't easy, it was never easy. Us was never easy, I had to adjust to a lot of things. You too, you had to go against a lot of your norms to be with me, and I appreciate it. You may not see it, but I did appreciate you listening to what I say, note it from time to time, and adjust. Know that I really did try to adjust to be what you want to have in a partner. I may have failed miserably though, and I'm sorry about that. If I could be that perfect person for you, I would. But I know what I can and can't do, and this time, I really have to back off before I hurt you more.

We had a lot of good times together. We had our fair share of good times. Movies together, having firsts together, having my firsts with you, and you having your firsts with me, It has been a good journey. Our good times made each bad time worth it, because I knew we always had each other at the end of the day. It has been enriching, enlightening, fulfilling, and a learning experience. Yes, a learning experience. I learned so much about myself, you, my life and a lot of life lessons, or even work lessons I can bring in my future endeavors and in my every day life. I owe that to you, so thank you for all of those.

Whatever fights we had, I am sorry for my short comings as a partner and a friend. I am sorry if I failed you even once. If I forget to understand you, or failed to treat you well, I am sorry. I am sorry that I sometimes am selfish and stubborn. But know that I never meant to hurt you. Even if there are instances I bring up past mistakes, I am sorry, It is just my nature and I am one person not easy to forget bad things done to me. For those times I could not just let go your mistakes, I am sorry. I got scarred too many times that I don't know how to forgive well. I hope one day, you forgive me for all of those things.

I don't know if this is the end of our chapter, of our story, of our book, know that I never regretted being with you. I knew I had to choose back then, and I never regretted choosing you over everything and everyone else. You were my best friend, my younger sister, my partner, you are family to me. You never failed to try. You never failed to make me smile, just by seeing you. I chose you everyday, because I learned from you that its what you do in relationships, you choose to be with that person, you choose that person everyday, even when life gets hard, when things are tough, when the world fails, or when you triumph and you win. You choose to be in love everyday, you choose to stay and be with that one person that makes days brighter, and makes darkness seem bearable. Thank you for making me believe in those even for a little while. Thank you for not making me scared to jump a leap of faith in you and with you. Thank you for believing in me when I had no more left for myself. Thank you for being my cheerleader on tough days and bad days. Thank you for hugging me and not saying anything even when things are bad, Thank you for choosing to love me these past months. Thank you for staying with me and making me believe again that love can exist, that it still exists, that good things still exist in this world where bad things happen to good people, and where there are few people to trust. Thank you for trusting me with your thoughts and secrets, for opening up and for being comfortable in your skin when you;re with me. Thank you for keeping us together when things were bad, Thank you for saving me and keeping me alive,

I'm sorry I chose a path less traveled. For this path I would be alone without you, but I know that you will be safe. My God will keep you safe everyday, He will look after you for me and take care of you for me. I wish you nothing but the best because you do deserve good things. You deserve nothing but good vibes, thoughts and blessings. I'm sorry that I couldn't stay and understand more, because I am at a place right now that I couldn't bear things anymore. Know that I did not expect you to stay or what not. That I don't blame you for anything. Maybe some things are not meant to be. Maybe there is a future for us, maybe none anymore. But I will keep on wishing for you in the stars. Because I felt that you and I, opposites as we are, we blend well. We match, we somehow, work.

Maybe someday, somewhere in the distant future, maybe not in this world. But for now, let me still hope for you, dream for you, wish for you, long for you, miss you, love you. Let me until I wake up one day and realize that I have moved on.