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Time Flew By.

I realized that I have not written anything here in forever, and it has been three years since my last note. 

I couldn't believe that time flew by fast and that I have drank a cumulative amount of a whole bottle of wine today starting from lunch. I used to dislike wine, but here I am. I have officially drank 4 bottles of wine since May 23, 2020, a bottle of which I think I consumed that same night. Right now, I only have one and a half bottles left of wine, which means I either conserve wine or get myself two more bottles. Go figure what my choice would be. 

So how am I? I think I'm better than where I was three years ago, but in some aspects, probably far worse. I have experienced so much the last three years, an emotional and verbal abusive relationship with the last relationship I posted here, started a good relationship with wine also, slowed down in terms of drinking habits, moved jobs, hated my dad more, missed him sometimes as well, lost both grandparents in my dad's side, gained more perspective on relationships, platonic or not, lost people in my life, gained new ones, and moving ahead. Wow. That was a lot to cover now, was it? 

So, why am I here again? Oh right. Cause I need to voice these thoughts in my head out. With one bottle of wine, with at least 9% alcohol I should at least fall asleep quickly right, but no. I'm still here, nursing my brains and tricking it to fall asleep. 

So many thoughts and emotions in my head and in my heart that sometimes I have a hard time breathing. 

I want to take my meds but I would be in a diff space tomorrow if I do it so I will have to wait til wine kicks in. 

Anyway, welcome back to this space, self. 

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