Skip to main content

Messy.

Still not sure what to blog about. But I really want to blog regularly, and not like before, that I only get to blog once in 3 months or so. I'll probably share what has been happening to me or something; this might get boring by the minute, so beware. And don't blame me if in the end you might think this is a waste of time. I gave you a warning.

Good thing there was a holiday. I found time to watch movies. I watched one movie last Thursday, and one last Friday. Watched Babe I Love You with a friend in Trinoma, and watched Date Night with my best friend and her cousin in SM North. It was cool actually; haven’t had much time in resting, and enjoying others' company. Although I frequently see my best friend, it has been quite some time since we actually watched a movie together.


While I was writing my blog, my mood got a little bit off, IDK why. I really have a lot of things in mind plus the fact that I am not feeling well. This is probably the effect of the heat. I am in touch once again with all my drama and that all I want right now is somewhere to vent it out. I actually was feeling better already, talking to a new found friend earlier today. It was nice to know that I could find friends online, but actually, I am scared at the same time as well. I know I risked trusting again. But my relationship and trust issues are at its finest. I remember earlier, had a little misunderstanding with one person. It was really a wrong move. I was blantly accusing him of probably raking advantage. I felt bad after, because after saying things, I realized he’ll never do that to the person, more so, he knows his limits. Especially with my friends. So I felt bad for him.

A lot of things have changed through the years. I know, I know. I rant about this a lot. But the gravity seems to be more evident as days, and weeks pass by. I didn’t even notice the changes until people started telling me what they’ve noticed. Some of them think I changed for the worse. Maybe I did. But I won’t know it until I get to see it with my own eyes, and I get the grasp of it. Anyway, a lot of things have been bothering me. Not just this changes thing but a lot has been happening. I am getting a break and will be going somewhere over the past few weeks. Just to unwind, and enjoy what I can enjoy. Anyway, update on my last blog. Maybe, didn’t lose the person, but I know things now are not the same as before. I guess this person is still special to me, since this person could still make me smile when that person texts. Oh well. But I know that person and I will remain what we are right now. And at least I am not bothered anymore. But for what it’s worth, for the record. That person is special to me.

As to my plans, yes. I am going to do something crazy. But I’m sure it’ll be fun. I have a lot in mind that I want to share, but words could not explain the feeling and the thoughts I have. Oh well. I’m such a mess right now.

To the person I talked to over YM. Thank you. You might not be able to read this, but at least I had my thank you speech here. I seldom believe, after my incident. Which I haven’t shared with you yet, that it’s hard to find real friends in fandom. But I found you, in one of the most unexpected places. Tumblr. Thank you for being so nice to me, listening, and not being judgmental. I am really thankful I chose you to share my story with. It became a mala-fanfic emo shit drama. HAHA! But nonetheless, you don’t know how much it made me feel better. And how much I appreciate, and how much I am grateful to you. I hope we could be friends, more than being spazzmates. I hope it was a start of something better, and greater. Really. 

I guess this would be it as for now. This is really messy, apologies.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

To whom it may concern

Hello,  I'm just writing down to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and like I say sometimes, when things come out, it becomes real. I guess, this time, this become real. I'm very very sad. It has been months since I have gone to therapy, and I have been in my saddest for quite some time. There are days I felt like giving up, days wherein day and night, all I think about is how I should die, or how to end my life, everything that is hard and hurting, and there are days I feel like I can do anything in this world, fearless and unstoppable.  Yesterday was once again a deal breaker. I felt stuffed and hurt, I felt I was not someone to be proud of, and I felt abandoned. Like I said, maybe it is for the best. I don't intend to win you over again, but I do intend to watch you from afar and just be there for you in case you need someone. I really want to be your friend, I really want to be in your life, whatever way or form. I feel like you're one of the few peopl...

Time Flew By.

I realized that I have not written anything here in forever, and it has been three years since my last note.  I couldn't believe that time flew by fast and that I have drank a cumulative amount of a whole bottle of wine today starting from lunch. I used to dislike wine, but here I am. I have officially drank 4 bottles of wine since May 23, 2020, a bottle of which I think I consumed that same night. Right now, I only have one and a half bottles left of wine, which means I either conserve wine or get myself two more bottles. Go figure what my choice would be.  So how am I? I think I'm better than where I was three years ago, but in some aspects, probably far worse. I have experienced so much the last three years, an emotional and verbal abusive relationship with the last relationship I posted here, started a good relationship with wine also, slowed down in terms of drinking habits, moved jobs, hated my dad more, missed him sometimes as well, lost both grandparents in my dad's...

Here we go.

So I am trying to just write it out here. Whether I cry or smile or whatnot. Just for today, I would like to just keep writing what I think and feel. This won't be the last, but I am hopeful that this will help. Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it. I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference. A lot of good things or okay...