Skip to main content

Envious.


I am almost done watching JoongBo episodes of We Got Married. My sister is also into it already, since she's quite interested in KPop as well. I am envious with the friendship, infatuation, affection, attraction, chemistry, care and love of Hwang Bo to her husband, Kim Hyun Joong and vice versa. The younger/older couple, who has a 6-year age gap difference, is one of the most loved couples in the show. Both are singers, and apparently, both have a lot of common qualities, which were revealed during the 30 episodes they were in. They started episode 9 of the show, and bid their good byes in episode 30, if I'm not mistaken, due to the busy schedule of Kim Hyun Joong because of Boys Over Flowers. I am so moved by the relationship they have. For those 8 months they were together as a "couple", they did their best to be better persons for themselves, and for their better halves. People have seen them grow, as their own personas, and as a couple. They have learned so much about life, work, friends, famil, love and relationships.

As everyone might probably know, I had my heart broken a few months ago. Who would have thought I would survive all those days, weeks and months of depression, without even doing silly things. I never thought I would handle things in a different way, and I believe in a more mature way. This was the reason I got so into Boys Over Flowers, with Kim Hyun Joong, and now We Got Married. I tend to divert all my frustrations, attention, to these things. I can just laugh, smile, feel pain, cry, be sad, be vulnerable, and just be myself, and be what I want to be and what I can be. I can dream, and just be true to myself. It's hard to be who you want, and who you are, what you feel, in times like these. Sometimes, I feel like crying and get depressed. But I tend not to, because I just feel so lame and weak and stupid. So I tend to keep my feelings nowadays. Right now, I feel it again. That weakness. The sadness, the pain, the frustrations I had a few months ago. But I have to be strong, I have to act strong and better and ok. I know I just have to. I still wait and pray for the day, that I wake up, and feel I have completely let go and move on. Because as I blog, I know, I'm still in the process. I'm already there, in the part where I have accepted that it's over. But I'm just getting there, to the point that I am moving on, and that I am trying to undo everything, and redoingt hings, without him in it. Sabi nga nila, you can't have everything. I have the best set of teammates at work right now, although I'm leaving work in a few weeks, I love my job right now, but I need to look for another one.. but still praying that I get regularized.. and I'm getting good opportunities with regards to my applications. My family and I are better. Maybe not that much financially, but I know we're getting there. I have the best set of people around me. Officemates, teammates, friends from previous work, YFC friends, chatters, high school friends, grade school friends, college friends, SFC, and so much more. I have a lot to be thankful for. Seriously. Pero yun nga, I don't have any special someone. It's just Kim Hyun Joong and I. Haha!

But seriously, I thank JoongBo couple for my healing process. If not for them. and also Boys Over Flowers, and my love, Kim Hyun Joong, I won't survive. I've learned so much from watching, reading.. I have learned so much about life, that I hope I would keep it in my mind and heart and use it wherever I go. For the JoongBo couple, thank you for showing me, on how I wanted my life to be, my married life to be. My career to be, my relationship to everyone as well. I know one day I will meet my Shillang. In God's time. But for now, I have to deal with reality checks everyday. :)

God, just guide me.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Epekto ng pagkajologs at walang tulog.

I have to admit, when I saw the trailers in ABS, I knew it would be such a craze, a big hit, and a good one. It started late nights, then when I was about to watch, was moved before 6PM. Cruel, right? Very much indeed. I tried my best to get hold of a DVD copy of the Korean version with subtitles in English, ALAS, I did. Thanks to my ever loving bestfriend. We did find a very good copy. I was so eager to watch, because I have missed a lot. And, after watching for 1 and a half days. Literally, from 11:30PM of Saturday, July 11, to July 13, 2009 at 5:30AM, with only 4 hour sleep. The break I had was peeing and bath. Rather than that, nothing. I ditched all my plans for Sunday. I just wanted to cut myself some slack and just do nothing. I wanted to separate myself, even for at least just this weekend. For me to rethink, reorganize, and reflect on everything. Apologies to my dearest God, because I didn't attend mass and missed the practice for Lord's day. I can't help it, the B...
4 comments
Read more

Looking back 2009.

http://marge0256.multiply.com/journal/item/119/2008. I read my blog (the link above) when I got back this morning from a hella crazy night. Reading my past blog, I know I had to blog once again. It's been a while since I blogged anything. Haha. This year, was g enerally so so. Had my highs and lows as well. And I want to share it in detail. Seriously, in detail. I ended 2008 breaking u p with Kat. For thos of you who don't know, I had an almost 1 year official relationship with a girl AGAIN. And of course, after the break-up, we were still in contact so technically, we werent completely over each other. I started 2009 with high hopes o f us getting back together, and us fixing things. But instead, we separated ways after a few months. We celebrated our anniversary yes, but after that, I guess it was not meant to be. As of now, we still talk sometimes, but nonetheless, a lot has changed, for her and for me. She's moving to a different department, a department I highly recom...
3 comments
Read more

The past two months that led up to this.

One of the things I hate besides betrayal/lying is feeling being used by someone, for reasons very obvious. This is why whenever I get into any kind of relationship, I assess and ask what is it that I really want or the other person wants from the relationship. And I make it sure and clear. I am very bad at trusting people, but once I do trust, anything lesser than that is disappointing and betrayal, still. This time, it makes me feel worse. Not that I was just betrayed, but I was even used. And when I say used, yes, physically used. And fuck that shit. Seriously, I don't think I can ever forget that. Up until I type this, there is a bit of hope that it isn't the case, but time and time again, I see it is just that. So a couple of months ago, I was surprisingly in a very odd set up with a guy I barely know (yes, again, I know). And the difference with this is that the guy is a good friend, or so I thought, of a really good friend. It started out as innocent, with us just hang...
2 comments
Read more