Skip to main content

Confessions.


  1. I have been sulking since I don't know when. I stay in a lot more than I usually do, and I don't enjoy going out as much as I would normally do. I avoid being with people, and I don't enjoy company much anymore. 
  2. I really need to talk about what I should be talking about. It is starting to mess everything. 
  3. I am not functional anymore. 
  4. I miss lunch guy, a lot. I want him to be the first person I start opening up to.
  5. I am scared of everything and everyone at the moment. I wish it is just panic attacks or anxiety attacks, but yeah. Much more than that. 
  6. I miss my old self. I miss the life I used to live. I may have not lived comfortably before. But hell, I don't live right now anyway. Like what was mentioned during the Grand Feast yesterday, there are dead people, half dead people. I think I am one of them. 
  7. Grand Feast yesterday made me think about a lot of things in my life.
  8. I am worried about a friend. I know he has been going through a lot of things in his life, and I hope that he is okay. I included him in my prayers yesterday during the Grand Feast.
  9. I am lost. Completely, totally. 
  10. I wish to talk to my dad about certain things. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To whom it may concern

Hello,  I'm just writing down to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and like I say sometimes, when things come out, it becomes real. I guess, this time, this become real. I'm very very sad. It has been months since I have gone to therapy, and I have been in my saddest for quite some time. There are days I felt like giving up, days wherein day and night, all I think about is how I should die, or how to end my life, everything that is hard and hurting, and there are days I feel like I can do anything in this world, fearless and unstoppable.  Yesterday was once again a deal breaker. I felt stuffed and hurt, I felt I was not someone to be proud of, and I felt abandoned. Like I said, maybe it is for the best. I don't intend to win you over again, but I do intend to watch you from afar and just be there for you in case you need someone. I really want to be your friend, I really want to be in your life, whatever way or form. I feel like you're one of the few peopl...
Post a Comment
Read more

Here we go.

So I am trying to just write it out here. Whether I cry or smile or whatnot. Just for today, I would like to just keep writing what I think and feel. This won't be the last, but I am hopeful that this will help. Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it. I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference. A lot of good things or okay...
1 comment
Read more

Time Flew By.

I realized that I have not written anything here in forever, and it has been three years since my last note.  I couldn't believe that time flew by fast and that I have drank a cumulative amount of a whole bottle of wine today starting from lunch. I used to dislike wine, but here I am. I have officially drank 4 bottles of wine since May 23, 2020, a bottle of which I think I consumed that same night. Right now, I only have one and a half bottles left of wine, which means I either conserve wine or get myself two more bottles. Go figure what my choice would be.  So how am I? I think I'm better than where I was three years ago, but in some aspects, probably far worse. I have experienced so much the last three years, an emotional and verbal abusive relationship with the last relationship I posted here, started a good relationship with wine also, slowed down in terms of drinking habits, moved jobs, hated my dad more, missed him sometimes as well, lost both grandparents in my dad's...
Post a Comment
Read more