I mean, it kinda sucks that there isn't anyone that could really read this, but it is also a consolation that no one does, because it kinda gives me the freedom to say what I want to say.
I have all these notes on my phone of what I want to tell people. Like how much they have hurt me. Or how much I dislike what they do. But I don't have the courage to post still even though no one can read them.
I have been trying to have the guts to post what I want to say to that person who recently broke my heart. But I guess, it'll have to wait.. I'll wait until it doesn't hurt as much so when I post, I won't regret it.
Since I started my weekday mass habit, or novena, or whatever you call it, I find comfort in going to church whenever I don't feel good about anything. Probably because I can cry at church and no one would really judge, because no one would come to you and ask if you're okay. To be honest, I feel pathetic to feel bad recently because I know a lot of people are suffering more than I do. I also find comfort in that exact fact, that I should be thankful that I'm alive and blessed.
After getting the job, and after praying for it, I did realize that God has not forgotten me. I thought He did, starting that night that I would never, ever forget. But getting this job that I have always wanted made me rethink of God and my relationship with Him. I have always had this habit of talking to Him wherever I go, like a friend who is beside me, and that's how I have been praying over the past few years. I didn't realize that He probably felt lonely that that's all I can do for Him. But to be honest, I could not force myself to do more as I felt alone for so long. After having Val, I thought that He gave her to me to remind me that He is there. But Val also left me. So I stopped and rethink if that was His message when He sent her to me.
I decided to start going to the adoration chapel that week that she broke up with me. It was the last week of September or first week of October. I did feel comfort, I felt that I could cry nonstop. I spent so many days crying that time. But after we talked, I felt a bit lighter. So I continued dropping by when I can, and started the weekday masses. After 1 mass, I got an email from my dream company for an opening and invitation. Continued to go to mass, and results kept coming in and a few weeks into masses, I got the job. It was surprisingly fast, as I wanted it to be novena masses for 9 weeks. But looking back now, I probably got the job after 3 masses. So I stil didn't stop. I am still going, I think last week was my either 6th, 7th or 8th, but I know I won't stop. But now, I am thinking of praying for another one. Or two, one for someone else's prayer and one for me. Of course, I still pray for others' intentions while I was praying for mine. Now I am thinking of what to pray for next but still continuing what I started even though I don't have personal intentions. Maybe I do that for thanksgiving, and also to remind me not to forget the good things, and to pray for others' wishes too.
I kind of want to pray for lovelife, but I am unsure if at this rate and time I should already. Though my bestfriend tells me it is okay to do so at this point. I also learned that I should be very specific when I want something, like my prayer about the job. If I pray for another thing, I should be specific. Like I want to pray for someone like this, or that, or I want this to happen or whatever. I learned that my bestfriend apparently prayed for a foreigner boyfriend and luckily she got one. But, she got one with the exact same attitude as me. LOL. Kidding aside, this is also probably the reason why we go along well and why the boyfriend is for keeps. She knows how much both of us meant to her. I'm happy she finally got her happily ever after after those frogs that she kissed.
Haha. Apologies, my post is seriously random yet again.
I was supposed to vent out, but ended up posting my current and exact thoughts I have been doubting to post. Hahahaha. While blogging, I am currently listening to this:
I am seriously am swooned by all his moves and his swag. Haha. :)
Papa YG is frackingly awesome. :))
See how random this is? This is the reason why I kinda like my blog more than most people. This is the place I can be myself, no judgement, no hating aside.
I have all these notes on my phone of what I want to tell people. Like how much they have hurt me. Or how much I dislike what they do. But I don't have the courage to post still even though no one can read them.
I have been trying to have the guts to post what I want to say to that person who recently broke my heart. But I guess, it'll have to wait.. I'll wait until it doesn't hurt as much so when I post, I won't regret it.
Since I started my weekday mass habit, or novena, or whatever you call it, I find comfort in going to church whenever I don't feel good about anything. Probably because I can cry at church and no one would really judge, because no one would come to you and ask if you're okay. To be honest, I feel pathetic to feel bad recently because I know a lot of people are suffering more than I do. I also find comfort in that exact fact, that I should be thankful that I'm alive and blessed.
After getting the job, and after praying for it, I did realize that God has not forgotten me. I thought He did, starting that night that I would never, ever forget. But getting this job that I have always wanted made me rethink of God and my relationship with Him. I have always had this habit of talking to Him wherever I go, like a friend who is beside me, and that's how I have been praying over the past few years. I didn't realize that He probably felt lonely that that's all I can do for Him. But to be honest, I could not force myself to do more as I felt alone for so long. After having Val, I thought that He gave her to me to remind me that He is there. But Val also left me. So I stopped and rethink if that was His message when He sent her to me.
I decided to start going to the adoration chapel that week that she broke up with me. It was the last week of September or first week of October. I did feel comfort, I felt that I could cry nonstop. I spent so many days crying that time. But after we talked, I felt a bit lighter. So I continued dropping by when I can, and started the weekday masses. After 1 mass, I got an email from my dream company for an opening and invitation. Continued to go to mass, and results kept coming in and a few weeks into masses, I got the job. It was surprisingly fast, as I wanted it to be novena masses for 9 weeks. But looking back now, I probably got the job after 3 masses. So I stil didn't stop. I am still going, I think last week was my either 6th, 7th or 8th, but I know I won't stop. But now, I am thinking of praying for another one. Or two, one for someone else's prayer and one for me. Of course, I still pray for others' intentions while I was praying for mine. Now I am thinking of what to pray for next but still continuing what I started even though I don't have personal intentions. Maybe I do that for thanksgiving, and also to remind me not to forget the good things, and to pray for others' wishes too.
I kind of want to pray for lovelife, but I am unsure if at this rate and time I should already. Though my bestfriend tells me it is okay to do so at this point. I also learned that I should be very specific when I want something, like my prayer about the job. If I pray for another thing, I should be specific. Like I want to pray for someone like this, or that, or I want this to happen or whatever. I learned that my bestfriend apparently prayed for a foreigner boyfriend and luckily she got one. But, she got one with the exact same attitude as me. LOL. Kidding aside, this is also probably the reason why we go along well and why the boyfriend is for keeps. She knows how much both of us meant to her. I'm happy she finally got her happily ever after after those frogs that she kissed.
Haha. Apologies, my post is seriously random yet again.
I was supposed to vent out, but ended up posting my current and exact thoughts I have been doubting to post. Hahahaha. While blogging, I am currently listening to this:
I am seriously am swooned by all his moves and his swag. Haha. :)
Papa YG is frackingly awesome. :))
See how random this is? This is the reason why I kinda like my blog more than most people. This is the place I can be myself, no judgement, no hating aside.
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