So they say.

I realized that I should have done this at home. But since I have time, and I tend to be lazy when I am at home, I decided to just do this on my desk when no one can really snoop or read what I am typing.  Saturday was one of the hardest days. Because the inevitable parting ways happened. I don't know why. But I always feel it was my fault. I have this tendency of blaming everything to myself. I even have this tendency of just taking everything in. I know, I know. It's starting to be a bad habit already. I should probably learn how to forgive. But to be honest, that's one thing I have such a hard time doing. Because so many people have wronged me, and so many people have failed and hurt me time and time again, that I don't really know how to forgive and trust again. I hate the person that I have become. But at some point, I feel that this is my defense mechanism from everything in my life.  My mom and grandparents were supposed to go to the province tomorrow, bu...

This was supposed to be done like more than a week ago, but since I can’t get my lazy fat ass to do anything when I am home, I might as well do it while I am here sitting at work, nothing much to do.  I cannot say that 2013 was a bad year for me, but I can’t say otherwise either. 2013 had its strong ups and downs, and I am still thankful for everything despite all the hardships I had to go through.  There would probably four highlights of my year. I finally saw Shinhwa. Thanks to a few people, I finally saw them in the flesh. It was one trip I will never forget, since I saw Shinhwa, and it was the first time I went to a solo trip. Met a few people, but nonetheless, it was a solo trip, ticked off my bucket list already. Each one of them has their own personal charm and that as a group they are indeed legends in their own right. Seeing them on their 15 th year was pretty special and awesome too! I finally saw CN Blue, upclose and also in a concert. I saw Yonghwa’...

So what's up everyone?  Merry Christmas to everyone. Just had the craziest month in a while. From last few weeks at work, to a vacation, to last few days at work, to a new job, to wrapping gifts and spending time with family.  It's surprising that the month just passed without me realizing it and now I think I should post and prepare my year end post already. 2013 was just a lot to handle for me.  How has everything been? Finally! Pushed my Singapore trip through already. It was 6 days of pure bliss and craziness,  realizations and good times. A few annoying moments but nonetheless everything was all good. Saw my crush with her girlfriend, and told him I was reallt happy for him. :) shopped Christmas gifts for everyone, well, family, and got a gift from friends too. Chocolates galoreeeee. Got to taste my fave chocolate again. Too happy ♡ Singapore is indeed a happy place, but my ex doesn't really like that place as it reminds her of so many bad memories, I...

What a title. LOL. But really. Today feels so bittersweet. I usually do look forward for birthdays for the sole reason that I kind of like to see who greets me first and remembers my birthday. I know there are only a few people who do, so I don't expect so much. For the past three years, I am guaranteed that at least one person would send me a very heartfelt message that could probably lift up my mood for the whole day. For the first time in four years, I am not guaranteed of having that. So this is how it feels like. A bit empty, sad, but still, thankful to God. But today, my wish isn't really for myself. My wish would be for the people I truly care about. I am sparing my personal wishes for today and giving personal wishes a break just for today. So many feels, especially for someone who turns a year older. Today, marks the start of my 26th year of existence on earth. To be honest, I never thought I would live this long. For someone who has tendencies, I always ...

니 입술이 나를 욕해도 난 아니 아니야 니 마음이 나를 접어도 난 아니 아니야 내 눈물의 의미를 왜 몰라 끝내 자는 게 아니야 안아 달란 말이야 평소완 다른 말투, 심장이 시큰해 난 니가 낯설었고 비가 내릴 듯 하늘은 시커메 반복된 실망과 다툼 속 서로는 지쳤고, 넌 아마도 오늘 여기서 내게 꼭 이별을 말할 것 같아 순간 가슴에 불지른 듯 나도 모르게 소리쳤지 밀치고 부딪히고 널 보며 진저리 쳤지 너 왜 그렇게 슬픈 눈을 하고서 날 쳐다보고만 있어 항상 그랬지. 난 모질고 넌 지겹게 착해 빠졌어 니 입술이 나를 욕해도 난 아니 아니야 니 마음이 나를 접어도 난 아니 아니야 내 눈물의 의미를 왜 몰라 끝내 자는 게 아니야 안아 달란 말이야 혼자 아닌 둘이라 넌 더 외롭다 했어 슬픈 표정으로 넌 물었지 내 말 이해 할 수 있어? 난 귀찮고 바쁘단 핑계로 널 짐처럼 취급했지 믿음은 플라스틱처럼 부러져 니 의심 지긋지긋했지 그리고 너희 집 앞 바래다준 마지막에 어김없이 폭탄 터졌지 참 더럽게도 징하게 서로를 밀쳤고 욕을 뱉고 우린 미쳤고 now we can’t go back 누군가 그랬지 계절은 이별을 데리고 오네 계속 그렇게 거친 말을 해 다신 안볼 듯 상처를 내봐 어차피 끝낼 맘이면 좀 더 제대로 나쁜 척해봐 너 짜증나게 굴지마 누굴 만나든 잘 살테니까 뒤 늦게 다시 날 찾을 때 난 절대로 거기 없으니까 그냥 꺼지라 했지 울먹이는 니 모습 지겨워서 바보같이 아파하는 그 꼴 봐주기 힘겨워서 미안해 할 것 없어 주저하지 말고 말해 어서 이별의 순간 난 여전히 못났고 넌 끝까지 착해빠졌어 헤어지잔 말이 아니야 난 아니 아니야 싫어졌다는 말이 아니야 난 아니 아니야 내 눈물의 의미를 왜 몰라 잡아달란 말이야 안아달란 말이야 ...

I mean, it kinda sucks that there isn't anyone that could really read this, but it is also a consolation that no one does, because it kinda gives me the freedom to say what I want to say. I have all these notes on my phone of what I want to tell people. Like how much they have hurt me. Or how much I dislike what they do. But I don't have the courage to post still even though no one can read them. I have been trying to have the guts to post what I want to say to that person who recently broke my heart. But I guess, it'll have to wait.. I'll wait until it doesn't hurt as much so when I post, I won't regret it. Since I started my weekday mass habit, or novena, or whatever you call it, I find comfort in going to church whenever I don't feel good about anything. Probably because I can cry at church and no one would really judge, because no one would come to you and ask if you're okay. To be honest, I feel pathetic to feel bad recently because I know a l...

I just realized.. while back reading earlier today.. why I am so emotional. Apparently, three years ago, was the day when Val was on a plane going here. It was such a dream come true, for me to see her. To be honest.. when she was here. I wanted to tell her to not go home and stay here for good. I didn't have the guts because I am unsure how to support the both of us. So I had to let her go.. and never did I thought that that was the last time I will see her, while we are in a relationship. That 5 weeks was pretty awesome. I never thought I was that patient and was that caring. It was never a dull moment with her. I still vividly remember how we sleep, how we wake up at 3 in the morning.. not realizing it was probably jetlag. I also remember how our first few days were us settling here in the PH together. Walking wearing sleeping clothes, eating take outs and drinking whatever. I could remember clearly how I hugged her and how she cried when she saw me because I was an hour lat...