Skip to main content

Lost in translation.

Looking outside the hospital windows and corridors, I see the people, streets with and without anything, the view, the sky, the houses, and I stare at them blankly. I look into the horizon and I see nothing. I try to arrange thoughts, but all that happens would be tears building up in my eyes. I am not sure what is in the back of my head, but I am sure they are not happy thoughts. I find myself lost in my own world again, standing alone, and feeling shaded by everything around me.

Sky outside is gloomy, and maybe as gloomy as how I feel at the moment. I tell myself everything is gonna be okay. And I believe it. I am just not sure if I will be okay. Emotions have been very erratic, thoughts have gone up and down, and I am not sure if this is the break that I need. I don’t think this is the break that I need. Everything is so chaotic, and all my thoughts are locked up somewhere in my head. I keep figuring out how to let them out, I even thought of calling people, but when I do, I feel like I just want to feel them at the other side of the line and hang up. No words can express my thoughts and feelings at the moment. These are those moments I just want to sit somewhere, look outside, stare at everything, and lean on someone’s shoulder, or hold someone’s hand, or cry.


I don’t know what triggers me to be where I am, but all I know is that I need this moment. I need this time to feel everything. I know where I am, but nobody knows where I am. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To whom it may concern

Hello,  I'm just writing down to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and like I say sometimes, when things come out, it becomes real. I guess, this time, this become real. I'm very very sad. It has been months since I have gone to therapy, and I have been in my saddest for quite some time. There are days I felt like giving up, days wherein day and night, all I think about is how I should die, or how to end my life, everything that is hard and hurting, and there are days I feel like I can do anything in this world, fearless and unstoppable.  Yesterday was once again a deal breaker. I felt stuffed and hurt, I felt I was not someone to be proud of, and I felt abandoned. Like I said, maybe it is for the best. I don't intend to win you over again, but I do intend to watch you from afar and just be there for you in case you need someone. I really want to be your friend, I really want to be in your life, whatever way or form. I feel like you're one of the few peopl...
Post a Comment
Read more

Epekto ng pagkajologs at walang tulog.

I have to admit, when I saw the trailers in ABS, I knew it would be such a craze, a big hit, and a good one. It started late nights, then when I was about to watch, was moved before 6PM. Cruel, right? Very much indeed. I tried my best to get hold of a DVD copy of the Korean version with subtitles in English, ALAS, I did. Thanks to my ever loving bestfriend. We did find a very good copy. I was so eager to watch, because I have missed a lot. And, after watching for 1 and a half days. Literally, from 11:30PM of Saturday, July 11, to July 13, 2009 at 5:30AM, with only 4 hour sleep. The break I had was peeing and bath. Rather than that, nothing. I ditched all my plans for Sunday. I just wanted to cut myself some slack and just do nothing. I wanted to separate myself, even for at least just this weekend. For me to rethink, reorganize, and reflect on everything. Apologies to my dearest God, because I didn't attend mass and missed the practice for Lord's day. I can't help it, the B...
4 comments
Read more

Looking back 2009.

http://marge0256.multiply.com/journal/item/119/2008. I read my blog (the link above) when I got back this morning from a hella crazy night. Reading my past blog, I know I had to blog once again. It's been a while since I blogged anything. Haha. This year, was g enerally so so. Had my highs and lows as well. And I want to share it in detail. Seriously, in detail. I ended 2008 breaking u p with Kat. For thos of you who don't know, I had an almost 1 year official relationship with a girl AGAIN. And of course, after the break-up, we were still in contact so technically, we werent completely over each other. I started 2009 with high hopes o f us getting back together, and us fixing things. But instead, we separated ways after a few months. We celebrated our anniversary yes, but after that, I guess it was not meant to be. As of now, we still talk sometimes, but nonetheless, a lot has changed, for her and for me. She's moving to a different department, a department I highly recom...
3 comments
Read more