So they say.

So I am trying to just write it out here. Whether I cry or smile or whatnot. Just for today, I would like to just keep writing what I think and feel. This won't be the last, but I am hopeful that this will help. Today, I found out that I got an A rating for my performance last year. I felt really proud for myself and for a moment I forgot I was lonely. And then I was about to pick up my phone and call. I realized, I don't have anyone anymore to share those with. I lost my bestfriend. So yeah. Felt really sad again. But I can't do anything about it. I finished two reports this week, very breezy. Not that I did not encounter any problems or issues. One I had to return to the field group team for validations, the other is still for review. I also made a questionnaire and a research design, and to be honest I should feel relieved and should feel good about myself. But not having to turn to or talk to, your person, it really makes a difference. A lot of good things or okay...

This is the 7th day I am stuck at home, and it has been both stressful and chill at the same time. That;s a bit weird. But here's the thing, while I am getting enough rest, it might be too much, and I am worried about a lot of things, especially yung wala na akong sweldo next payday and too much work piling. HAHA. Anyway, what happened that led me to 7 days stuck at home? I got hit by a car, well, my right foot did. And somehow, thanking God that it was only my right foot forward. If not for that, I may be in so much more trouble than it is at the moment.  It was Wednesday, July 5, around 9AM, I just timed in for work, and I was supposed to cross the street to get food from Ate Glo, when a car suddenly hit my foot. I remember trying to cross and didn't actually see a car. But to be fair, I did not hear a hard horn beep from the car, the driver just went straight hitting my foot. Then everything just suddenly stopped for me. I was in complete shock because it was supposed...

I am just so unhappy and sad.

I'm here again. I want to put out my thoughts and feelings, but seems that nothing does come out of me anymore. Since I left Kai's area yesterday, I barely spoke a word, or even talked to anyone. I have a massive headache I've been trying to nurse for a week, but no luck in it going away. I took the day off to rest, but all I ended up is crying over this series which is so close to my heart. I really wish I could make someone understand of what people with mental illness are going through, but, unfortunately I can't, because I don't fully understand it myself either. All anyone could ever do is try. And I guess that is what I have been looking for all this time. For someone to care enough or to stay enough despite waves and flashfloods and landslides coming. I wish someone does not give up on me or what I could offer. I wish someone did not decide to leave just because she couldn't handle things. Despite me being unable to extend my gratitude well, I absolutel...