This is the first time I am talking about you anywhere in a very long time. I have been thinking about this post since this morning, but ended up writing 3 or 4 sentences in my journal and nothing about you. Think of this post as long overdue, and something maybe timely, or something that maybe can be just called a brain fart.
How have you been ever since 1996? That was the last time I saw you up close, with a little kid too. I remember that little kid was probably between 1-3 years old of age back then, and found out he was another sibling I had. I'm sure my sister had never remembered that incident, because she barely remembers you too.
The last time I actually saw you, was 2007. I was with Tita Sylvia, she was visiting Manila, and we met her because she and I have a special bonding since we used to write letters and send cards to each other back then. She was the only relative on your side of the family I really had connection with. We we're on our way out, when we saw Kuya Jasper at the gas station near where we were. We were at Razon's that time, had snacks and dessert. Kuya was apparently on his way home with his family, when you called him because your Ford car got hit by another vehicle. I remember clearly mom's face when we saw you. My mom froze and was pale. I was surprised. My sister was nonchalant, because apparently she does not remember you at all. Tita Sylvia was surprised as well, but she decided we should leave and asked the driver to take us home already. So we did, but the effect of that incident lasted for weeks for my mom. My sister wasn't affected nor bothered at all. But with me? It lasted for a long time, and the memory is still so fresh in my head like it happened just yesterday. I don't know why, but even though I barely recall the exact look on your face, I can still you from that part of Greenhills, and I can still recall that day.
Hi dad. Mom, Joan and I have tried to move on from what happened more than 20 years ago. I was 4 or 5 back then, and my sister was just 2 years old when mom decided that everything is over between the two of you. I know that I was always a daddy's girl back then, so I knew it was hard when mommy asked you to leave the house. We still lived in Violago back then if I am not mistaken. I think I was already going to school and taking ballet classes too. When mom asked you to leave, I am sure mom was having a hard time dealing with two kids, one even very sickly that at 7, we almost lost her. I would like to recall all our memories together, but to be honest I barely remember memories of you and me dad. Or you with the rest of us. I just recall being close to you and seeing old pictures, we had too many together.
Hi dad. I still think of you almost everyday. How have you been, and how has life been for you. I still think that somehow you still think of us, me and Joan, and how we are. I still think about why you did all of the things you did, and why everything had to happen. I know you are with your new family now, but I wish that you have never forgotten about me and my sister. To be honest, I also wish that you do something about our family's money problem. You have never helped out mom in raising us, so I am wishing that by some odd twist of fate, I come across you and meet you and ask you to do what you can for us. I also wish to spend some time with you and get to know you. For some reason, I feel that you are one of the huge factors why I am where I am, and why everything has been happening to me. I am somehow in a limbo, somewhere in the middle of everything, somewhere I could not actually imagine. I wish I can have you all to myself so we can talk about everything, about a lot of things.
I know I have too many thoughts of you, from grade school memories about not having a dad, by actually being worried and threatened over the idea of not going to STC because I came from a broken family, Making assignments and asked to talk about family but I don't know what exactly to say because I never actually had time with you that much. I hope one day I get to let all my thoughts and feelings out, and hopefully, the part of my heart brokened by you would be healed. Yes dad, you are and will always be my first real heartbreak. I may not admit it, but the pain I have in my heart was initially caused by you and still hurting and broken and shattered because of you.
Why did I think of writing or typing something about you over the past few days?
September 11 would always be something special. The 9/11 incident, Mommy Es' birthday, and of course, your birthday dad. I may not know how old are you.. but know I still have thoughts of you, I still include you in my prayers, and I wish you good health and peace of mind. I miss you dad.
Belated happy birthday daddy.
How have you been ever since 1996? That was the last time I saw you up close, with a little kid too. I remember that little kid was probably between 1-3 years old of age back then, and found out he was another sibling I had. I'm sure my sister had never remembered that incident, because she barely remembers you too.
The last time I actually saw you, was 2007. I was with Tita Sylvia, she was visiting Manila, and we met her because she and I have a special bonding since we used to write letters and send cards to each other back then. She was the only relative on your side of the family I really had connection with. We we're on our way out, when we saw Kuya Jasper at the gas station near where we were. We were at Razon's that time, had snacks and dessert. Kuya was apparently on his way home with his family, when you called him because your Ford car got hit by another vehicle. I remember clearly mom's face when we saw you. My mom froze and was pale. I was surprised. My sister was nonchalant, because apparently she does not remember you at all. Tita Sylvia was surprised as well, but she decided we should leave and asked the driver to take us home already. So we did, but the effect of that incident lasted for weeks for my mom. My sister wasn't affected nor bothered at all. But with me? It lasted for a long time, and the memory is still so fresh in my head like it happened just yesterday. I don't know why, but even though I barely recall the exact look on your face, I can still you from that part of Greenhills, and I can still recall that day.
Hi dad. Mom, Joan and I have tried to move on from what happened more than 20 years ago. I was 4 or 5 back then, and my sister was just 2 years old when mom decided that everything is over between the two of you. I know that I was always a daddy's girl back then, so I knew it was hard when mommy asked you to leave the house. We still lived in Violago back then if I am not mistaken. I think I was already going to school and taking ballet classes too. When mom asked you to leave, I am sure mom was having a hard time dealing with two kids, one even very sickly that at 7, we almost lost her. I would like to recall all our memories together, but to be honest I barely remember memories of you and me dad. Or you with the rest of us. I just recall being close to you and seeing old pictures, we had too many together.
Hi dad. I still think of you almost everyday. How have you been, and how has life been for you. I still think that somehow you still think of us, me and Joan, and how we are. I still think about why you did all of the things you did, and why everything had to happen. I know you are with your new family now, but I wish that you have never forgotten about me and my sister. To be honest, I also wish that you do something about our family's money problem. You have never helped out mom in raising us, so I am wishing that by some odd twist of fate, I come across you and meet you and ask you to do what you can for us. I also wish to spend some time with you and get to know you. For some reason, I feel that you are one of the huge factors why I am where I am, and why everything has been happening to me. I am somehow in a limbo, somewhere in the middle of everything, somewhere I could not actually imagine. I wish I can have you all to myself so we can talk about everything, about a lot of things.
I know I have too many thoughts of you, from grade school memories about not having a dad, by actually being worried and threatened over the idea of not going to STC because I came from a broken family, Making assignments and asked to talk about family but I don't know what exactly to say because I never actually had time with you that much. I hope one day I get to let all my thoughts and feelings out, and hopefully, the part of my heart brokened by you would be healed. Yes dad, you are and will always be my first real heartbreak. I may not admit it, but the pain I have in my heart was initially caused by you and still hurting and broken and shattered because of you.
Why did I think of writing or typing something about you over the past few days?
September 11 would always be something special. The 9/11 incident, Mommy Es' birthday, and of course, your birthday dad. I may not know how old are you.. but know I still have thoughts of you, I still include you in my prayers, and I wish you good health and peace of mind. I miss you dad.
Belated happy birthday daddy.
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