So they say.

Will I look for you and tell you, "You mean a lot to me, so please stay with me."? These are the two things I usually ask myself nowadays. People come and go. And sometimes, I am very uncertain, or all the time I am very uncertain of what I feel towards someone. May it be a friend, family, or someone that can be potentially special to me. I have a hard time figuring out and realizing if this person is someone I want to keep in my life or not. So it always ends up, me leaving, or the other person leaving because of my doing.  Will I still be able to have those two questions answered by a yes?  That may be answered in time.. maybe not. 

If there is one thing I learned over the past few months is that, I know that I may never be normal, but I would like something normal in my life. Walking away from a lot of things, pushing everything away that makes my life miserable and stressful, is not just defense mechanism but it is a way of life I choose to be in. Everything I made was a choice I knew I needed to make. I know this is against what my therapists say, but I do know in my heart that it is something I would like to still keep after everything, meds and therapy end. It has protected me from so many things, especially the pains and the cruelness of the world. This world has given me at least two point of views I know I can never erase anymore, as the world has been very cruel to me. I keep everything inside my heart, and one day it would just burst and people would realize how life has treated me, how they have treated me, and how fragile I am that I just kept it all in, cry all by myself, and be sensitive and get hu...

Trying to have faith I people, and then consistently be disappointed. Seriously. People, if you want to lie and cheat and not be truthful, be very good at it. Because once someone finds out, it can be very annoying and agitating. As for me, I may forgive but I barely forget, sometimes never. Besides, karma's a fucking bitch.

Over the past few days, I have been on a Kylie Minogue mood. For some reason, I appreciate her songs more as I grow old than I was in my early years. Maybe because my music genre changes as well, plus, her songs speak to me for some reason.  So, I found this song.. Video isn't really quite click to the real meaning of the song, but it'll do to the lyrics itself. :) I know I needed change, and I guess everything just fell into place at the right time and place. At a time all I needed were answers, at a time all I needed was a leap of faith to do what I haven't done in years, at the moment, I felt I needed to accept everything and do something to change what I have been. I know I still have a long road to walk to, even run to. But, at least, taking small steps will take me somewhere I never expected. Also, talking to more people helps, hanging out with the crowd I used to be with a lot, reminding me of who I was back then, and comparing it to who I am now.  I know I can...

Soooo. I was very emotional yesterday while watching Maybe This Time, a local movie with Sarah and Coco as stars. Today, I am trying not to think and just have good vibes. A friend introduced me to this song, and I didn't listen too carefully until this morning. I think it's actually a perfect wedding song. Not just because of the music, but the lyrics as well. "I Choose You" Let the bough break, let it come down crashing Let the sun fade out to a dark sky I can't say I'd even notice it was absent Cause I could live by the light in your eyes I'll unfold before you What I've strung together The very first words Of a lifelong love letter Tell the world that we finally got it all right I choose you I will become yours and you will become mine I choose you I choose you (Yeah) There was a time when I would have believed them If they told me you could not come true Just love's illusion But then you found me and everything chan...

I usually use this blog to post about bad things I feel, so that I can release them as much as I could. But today, as bad as I can remember the lying/scheming/dishonesty that I discovered last week, the start of my Monday was really great. It is just a good feeling to talk to someone who gave you a compliment or two when you have just woken up from your sleep. It may be true or not, but the feeling it gives you is something that can keep you in a good mood all day. No expectations, just good vibes for today. Keeping my fingers crossed.

The past month has been nothing but smooth sailing. I have been drugged for a month (yeah, like really. lol), and I think it works somehow. Over the past week and a half, I do have so many feelings, and maybe, possibly sinking into a different episode. Anyway, I am trying to deal with everything as much as possible, but I am very close to falling into a trap I cannot probably get out of at the moment.  So over the past few days, a few things happened I am not open to divulge in this post, but probably has seen by very few people that follow me on twitter. One other thing happened today which I haven't told anyone. But I did share a bit to someone over whatsapp. Been in a state of gloominess, except for last night, when I saw a friend happy and in love. Do not get me wrong. I still am very firm about my stand on happily ever afters, but, if people find it, I am very open to it and happy for them too. Seeing that coworker last night, I forgot my b...