So they say.

Soooo. I was very emotional yesterday while watching Maybe This Time, a local movie with Sarah and Coco as stars. Today, I am trying not to think and just have good vibes. A friend introduced me to this song, and I didn't listen too carefully until this morning. I think it's actually a perfect wedding song. Not just because of the music, but the lyrics as well. "I Choose You" Let the bough break, let it come down crashing Let the sun fade out to a dark sky I can't say I'd even notice it was absent Cause I could live by the light in your eyes I'll unfold before you What I've strung together The very first words Of a lifelong love letter Tell the world that we finally got it all right I choose you I will become yours and you will become mine I choose you I choose you (Yeah) There was a time when I would have believed them If they told me you could not come true Just love's illusion But then you found me and everything chan...

I usually use this blog to post about bad things I feel, so that I can release them as much as I could. But today, as bad as I can remember the lying/scheming/dishonesty that I discovered last week, the start of my Monday was really great. It is just a good feeling to talk to someone who gave you a compliment or two when you have just woken up from your sleep. It may be true or not, but the feeling it gives you is something that can keep you in a good mood all day. No expectations, just good vibes for today. Keeping my fingers crossed.

The past month has been nothing but smooth sailing. I have been drugged for a month (yeah, like really. lol), and I think it works somehow. Over the past week and a half, I do have so many feelings, and maybe, possibly sinking into a different episode. Anyway, I am trying to deal with everything as much as possible, but I am very close to falling into a trap I cannot probably get out of at the moment.  So over the past few days, a few things happened I am not open to divulge in this post, but probably has seen by very few people that follow me on twitter. One other thing happened today which I haven't told anyone. But I did share a bit to someone over whatsapp. Been in a state of gloominess, except for last night, when I saw a friend happy and in love. Do not get me wrong. I still am very firm about my stand on happily ever afters, but, if people find it, I am very open to it and happy for them too. Seeing that coworker last night, I forgot my b...

If there is one thing I want to be invented at the moment, I wish there is an existing medicine for managing expectations. Once you take it, you will not have to expect anything or it will  lessen your expectations about anything or anyone so you won't get too affected or get hurt by it. Expectations can make or break people. It comes with a certain amount of faith and trust and hope all rolled into one. It can make you believe in all sorts of things, and it can distort the way you look into things. It can give you a glimpse of heaven, with the right amount of reality, but it can drag you to hell with a dozen hollow blocks on your head. Expectations are realities deformed maybe for the better, or maybe for the worse. Expecting things will be okay or things are normal sometimes mean that we expect something more, something tangible, something better or something instant.. well in fact, reality doesn't put things that way. Reality reminds us of the facts and the truth, may...

After 10 days (including the day I met my shrink), I finally decided to send her a note. A very long one. It included details of my normal rants, and my stories and my thoughts which are actually saved in my phone now. It also includes things I haven't told anyone, and I think she has to know.  Everything is slowing my mind down, but at the same time, riling up too. See the contradiction right there? Yeah. I know. A living contradiction.  This is currently my main issue. But a lot of other concerns has been piling up.  People say I am over reacting on everything, but I guess it's just hard to explain what you are going through when you can't understand it yourself.  2:56PM Broke down an hour ago, and still figuring out why. Now I know what's making my mind slow down, but I am riling up too. Same reason why I have been trying to make a journal of my life. Because I am in denial of what is happening to me. It hasn't sank in completely that I am sick and that...

I realized over the past few days that I get glimpses and flashbacks and nightmares of my exes every now and then. That is why I thought of actually making this post. Maybe by posting this. I can somehow release a lot of things I never actually said or did. Or maybe I did but forgot I did.  This post may be cheesy or offending. I am apologizing in advance, because I just think this might be helpful for me. In one way or another.  To my grade school crush/bestfriend , you have always been my crush since grade 4. You were the popular girl in the batch, and everyone's dream ka-on (OMG SO GRADE SCHOOL HAHA). But I sincerely thank you for being my friend in grade 6, because I was never bullied then, unlike in Grade 4, that my locker was placed with that mail bomb that used to be popular during the day. I never thought we would be friends, and it was such a good experience. It was fun hanging out and teachers trying to see if we were actually dating, because they wouldn't let us...

EH YUNG MAY HANGOUT KA PALA. BAKIT DI TAYO MAGKAMESSAGE DON.  PS. My username, the one I always use, was because of you. Oh the memories. Haha.  I placed the PS in case I forget the person I am talking about again.  PPS OH MY GOD IT IS THE 2nd OF MAY. HAHAHA. 2nd. :))

I have so many things running in my head ever since I went to see a shrink a few days ago. I feel I am so close to going crazy and about to lose myself. There are moments I feel like crying, like now. And maybe a little later on I will laugh my heart out. Earlier today, I was actually laughing with my boss because of something quite work related/non-work related. I need a breather. I need a place where I can talk and no one will judge, no one can bite my thoughts. Because currently, I really feel I need a caring hug. I need a sanctuary. I need a moment of silence and I need someone to just make me feel secured and safe.  I finally went to counselling a few weeks ago and it was okay. I didn't feel like this, going twisted and crazy, after the session, though I was referred to a shrink. Yes, you read that right. A psychiatrist in some layman's terms. I was very hesitant, but I feel I could not control myself anymore, so I am trying as much as possible to psych myself that I nee...