So they say.

Will I look for you and tell you, "You mean a lot to me, so please stay with me."? These are the two things I usually ask myself nowadays. People come and go. And sometimes, I am very uncertain, or all the time I am very uncertain of what I feel towards someone. May it be a friend, family, or someone that can be potentially special to me. I have a hard time figuring out and realizing if this person is someone I want to keep in my life or not. So it always ends up, me leaving, or the other person leaving because of my doing.  Will I still be able to have those two questions answered by a yes?  That may be answered in time.. maybe not. 

If there is one thing I learned over the past few months is that, I know that I may never be normal, but I would like something normal in my life. Walking away from a lot of things, pushing everything away that makes my life miserable and stressful, is not just defense mechanism but it is a way of life I choose to be in. Everything I made was a choice I knew I needed to make. I know this is against what my therapists say, but I do know in my heart that it is something I would like to still keep after everything, meds and therapy end. It has protected me from so many things, especially the pains and the cruelness of the world. This world has given me at least two point of views I know I can never erase anymore, as the world has been very cruel to me. I keep everything inside my heart, and one day it would just burst and people would realize how life has treated me, how they have treated me, and how fragile I am that I just kept it all in, cry all by myself, and be sensitive and get hu...

Trying to have faith I people, and then consistently be disappointed. Seriously. People, if you want to lie and cheat and not be truthful, be very good at it. Because once someone finds out, it can be very annoying and agitating. As for me, I may forgive but I barely forget, sometimes never. Besides, karma's a fucking bitch.

Over the past few days, I have been on a Kylie Minogue mood. For some reason, I appreciate her songs more as I grow old than I was in my early years. Maybe because my music genre changes as well, plus, her songs speak to me for some reason.  So, I found this song.. Video isn't really quite click to the real meaning of the song, but it'll do to the lyrics itself. :) I know I needed change, and I guess everything just fell into place at the right time and place. At a time all I needed were answers, at a time all I needed was a leap of faith to do what I haven't done in years, at the moment, I felt I needed to accept everything and do something to change what I have been. I know I still have a long road to walk to, even run to. But, at least, taking small steps will take me somewhere I never expected. Also, talking to more people helps, hanging out with the crowd I used to be with a lot, reminding me of who I was back then, and comparing it to who I am now.  I know I can...