Skip to main content

The drama of an addict.

Ok, it's 2:32 AM, and I'm starting again. praying that it won't take me 4 hours to compose this one. The last one lasted for so long, I forgot what I want to tell exactly. Now that I am in my most bangag moment, especially for quite sometime. I have not been doing OT, or OTY for that matter. I was too depressed to do so. So here I am, blogging again.

I have decided to give the scrapbook to him. and the CD as well. But I have to finish the scrapbook. It's such a mess, because i didn't finish it. I was too upset to do so. So there. Besides, I think that there' s nothing left for me to lose, so why not give it to him. Since he wants it. And I clearly don't need to keep it. It would just sulk me into bitterness and despair if I do have it and look at it everytime I miss him. I also plan to give back the things he gave me. Dalawa lang naman yun.

Enough of the drama. But I know I will still rant some more. haha.

A lot has been happening lately. Not just of the drama I have in my previous post, which was yesterday morning only, bit with the country. I have been trying to be updated with the current news, and also, will try to read later about markets. I have a job interview tomorrow and it scares the hell outta me. I applied for the wrong and right reasons, but I am not sure of what path I will take. Like what I said, "interview palang naman to, I have ample time to think about it."

What else? Issues issues issues. Well, I must admit. I am a dramatic bitch. I have all the drama in the world, yet I am still happy. Yet, I can still enjoy life. At times, I feel the loneliness of being single, not able to show person I love how I feel, but it's all good. I would never ever regret every decision I made, because it defines who I am right now. The same way, his decisions define him right now. I do hope in time, I will look back, and see the changes that had happened, and just smile about it and tell myself. "Haha. look, you were stupid back then.. " or something like.. "minahal mo nga talaga. at least you learned something.. " I know I will understand everything. I actually want to understand everything NOW. But, since God does not permit it, I have no choice than to wait.

My bestfriend is leaving for SG this Wednesday. And it sucks. Seriously. I will lose someone close to me again. First was Yang, when she moved to the states a few years ago, now him. BOO! but on the contrary I wish him well. This is the opportunity we were both waiting for him. Sad for his girlfriend, he's leaving so soon. I will miss him. Seriously. I would probably have to go to SG before the year ends to visit him. Even for a few days. I'll make ipon to be with him. I promise. And travel as well.

Quarter end is about to come. So more work for me. Less idle time, less drama.

I pray to God to give me more strength. I'm a fighter. And a lover. I am coming back to my senses, getting my life back on track. As for the person I chose to love. I never regretted anything. Maybe it's God's plan. I believe in God, so much I know He has something better for me, and for you. As for the answers to my questions? In time, I know in time. Time heals everything. I will keep on praying.

But most probably, I will always be a bitch. I know, So they say.

Good night. Off to bed.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Epekto ng pagkajologs at walang tulog.

I have to admit, when I saw the trailers in ABS, I knew it would be such a craze, a big hit, and a good one. It started late nights, then when I was about to watch, was moved before 6PM. Cruel, right? Very much indeed. I tried my best to get hold of a DVD copy of the Korean version with subtitles in English, ALAS, I did. Thanks to my ever loving bestfriend. We did find a very good copy. I was so eager to watch, because I have missed a lot. And, after watching for 1 and a half days. Literally, from 11:30PM of Saturday, July 11, to July 13, 2009 at 5:30AM, with only 4 hour sleep. The break I had was peeing and bath. Rather than that, nothing. I ditched all my plans for Sunday. I just wanted to cut myself some slack and just do nothing. I wanted to separate myself, even for at least just this weekend. For me to rethink, reorganize, and reflect on everything. Apologies to my dearest God, because I didn't attend mass and missed the practice for Lord's day. I can't help it, the B...
4 comments
Read more

To whom it may concern

Hello,  I'm just writing down to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and like I say sometimes, when things come out, it becomes real. I guess, this time, this become real. I'm very very sad. It has been months since I have gone to therapy, and I have been in my saddest for quite some time. There are days I felt like giving up, days wherein day and night, all I think about is how I should die, or how to end my life, everything that is hard and hurting, and there are days I feel like I can do anything in this world, fearless and unstoppable.  Yesterday was once again a deal breaker. I felt stuffed and hurt, I felt I was not someone to be proud of, and I felt abandoned. Like I said, maybe it is for the best. I don't intend to win you over again, but I do intend to watch you from afar and just be there for you in case you need someone. I really want to be your friend, I really want to be in your life, whatever way or form. I feel like you're one of the few peopl...
Post a Comment
Read more

Time Flew By.

I realized that I have not written anything here in forever, and it has been three years since my last note.  I couldn't believe that time flew by fast and that I have drank a cumulative amount of a whole bottle of wine today starting from lunch. I used to dislike wine, but here I am. I have officially drank 4 bottles of wine since May 23, 2020, a bottle of which I think I consumed that same night. Right now, I only have one and a half bottles left of wine, which means I either conserve wine or get myself two more bottles. Go figure what my choice would be.  So how am I? I think I'm better than where I was three years ago, but in some aspects, probably far worse. I have experienced so much the last three years, an emotional and verbal abusive relationship with the last relationship I posted here, started a good relationship with wine also, slowed down in terms of drinking habits, moved jobs, hated my dad more, missed him sometimes as well, lost both grandparents in my dad's...
Post a Comment
Read more