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Envious.


I am almost done watching JoongBo episodes of We Got Married. My sister is also into it already, since she's quite interested in KPop as well. I am envious with the friendship, infatuation, affection, attraction, chemistry, care and love of Hwang Bo to her husband, Kim Hyun Joong and vice versa. The younger/older couple, who has a 6-year age gap difference, is one of the most loved couples in the show. Both are singers, and apparently, both have a lot of common qualities, which were revealed during the 30 episodes they were in. They started episode 9 of the show, and bid their good byes in episode 30, if I'm not mistaken, due to the busy schedule of Kim Hyun Joong because of Boys Over Flowers. I am so moved by the relationship they have. For those 8 months they were together as a "couple", they did their best to be better persons for themselves, and for their better halves. People have seen them grow, as their own personas, and as a couple. They have learned so much about life, work, friends, famil, love and relationships.

As everyone might probably know, I had my heart broken a few months ago. Who would have thought I would survive all those days, weeks and months of depression, without even doing silly things. I never thought I would handle things in a different way, and I believe in a more mature way. This was the reason I got so into Boys Over Flowers, with Kim Hyun Joong, and now We Got Married. I tend to divert all my frustrations, attention, to these things. I can just laugh, smile, feel pain, cry, be sad, be vulnerable, and just be myself, and be what I want to be and what I can be. I can dream, and just be true to myself. It's hard to be who you want, and who you are, what you feel, in times like these. Sometimes, I feel like crying and get depressed. But I tend not to, because I just feel so lame and weak and stupid. So I tend to keep my feelings nowadays. Right now, I feel it again. That weakness. The sadness, the pain, the frustrations I had a few months ago. But I have to be strong, I have to act strong and better and ok. I know I just have to. I still wait and pray for the day, that I wake up, and feel I have completely let go and move on. Because as I blog, I know, I'm still in the process. I'm already there, in the part where I have accepted that it's over. But I'm just getting there, to the point that I am moving on, and that I am trying to undo everything, and redoingt hings, without him in it. Sabi nga nila, you can't have everything. I have the best set of teammates at work right now, although I'm leaving work in a few weeks, I love my job right now, but I need to look for another one.. but still praying that I get regularized.. and I'm getting good opportunities with regards to my applications. My family and I are better. Maybe not that much financially, but I know we're getting there. I have the best set of people around me. Officemates, teammates, friends from previous work, YFC friends, chatters, high school friends, grade school friends, college friends, SFC, and so much more. I have a lot to be thankful for. Seriously. Pero yun nga, I don't have any special someone. It's just Kim Hyun Joong and I. Haha!

But seriously, I thank JoongBo couple for my healing process. If not for them. and also Boys Over Flowers, and my love, Kim Hyun Joong, I won't survive. I've learned so much from watching, reading.. I have learned so much about life, that I hope I would keep it in my mind and heart and use it wherever I go. For the JoongBo couple, thank you for showing me, on how I wanted my life to be, my married life to be. My career to be, my relationship to everyone as well. I know one day I will meet my Shillang. In God's time. But for now, I have to deal with reality checks everyday. :)

God, just guide me.
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