Unfortunately, this maybe hormones, my irritability with everything and feeling very uncomfortable at the moment, I feel like I should really put this out here.
For months, I wonder what could have been, might have been. I wonder whether my choices with regards to you, us, has been right. But now.. all I can say is fuck you.
I know that we started out wrong on so many levels, and you woke my inner sense, telling me that I was going downward spiral. You were the one who told me to try to put down my walls even a bit, to try to trust, to believe in you when you said all those things to me. You were getting close, while I wasn't. You were really really close. I think you went in, eventually. I do not know when, how or why, but eventually you did. I mourned for you, cried for you. I did tell a couple of people that I think I actually fell in love with you at some point. I knew you were never completely in, but you went in at some point. I don't know why, but hearing what I heard about you, finding that out about you weeks ago, just somehow made my world upside down and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to think about you or miss you. But fuck, I do. I used to miss you a lot, but eventually I settled all my feelings and have been living as if I didn't feel anything for you at all.
When I found out about your lying roughly 8 months ago, I knew my choice was right in letting you go. I knew that my choice of not even trying with you was right. I even blogged here about making sure not to let others find out that you lied or cheated and be very good at it because it can be fucking annoying if someone finds out, and 8 months after, you prove me right, again. I knew you were such a fucking asshole, but I didn't know you may probably be a nymphomaniac. Fuck you. Fuck you for lying. Because it's people like you who make people like me not believe and trust and walk away and distance ourselves from the world. Now, you just confirm how everyone thinks of you. And how I have perceived you.
Three months ago, when you came to see me, I questioned my choices about you.
"Was it really right to let him go?"
"Should I tell you how I feel and see where it goes?"
"Should I risk and make you pick between your girlfriend and me?"
Good thing I didn't. Because you now have proved to me once again my choices were right. I didn't expect to find a girl you hooked up with. But, I guess things happen at the right time. Timing is everything. I came across one of them, and now, hearing the stories about you and her made me think.. "Were you ever honest with me?" I feel so betrayed. I feel like believing in you even for one second made me less of a person. Having feelings for you made me dumb like the rest of the girls you try to wrap around your finger. The only good thing was you never got me the way you did with all of them, easy breezy. I don't know what kind of mind ticks within you, but dude, you are fucking shitty crazy. You go around and make yourself look like available in the market, you fuck all these girls and then you cheat on your girlfriend, and when they cheat on you, or they lie to you, you act like you're some clean person and that you never cheated or even lied to her. I really wish you never find that someone for you, because people like you do not deserve happiness. People like you deserve to be locked up forever for leading people on and for hurting people, intentionally or unintentionally. But I think it has always been intentionally because you do this so casually and carelessly. You are more than a whore. You're a slut. A man version of a slut. I can't believe I fucking fell for that visit.
I trusted you. I told you a lot of things I don't normally tell people. I feel betrayed. Because I treated you as a person. I didn't lie to you. I may have omitted a thing or two, but never lied to you. I pity all those girls, because maybe most of them were not as careful as me. Maybe they got their heart brokened worse than how I got mine. I don't know which is more annoying and which makes me more angrier, the fact that I liked you and I was wrong about you, or the fact that I thought you were honest but maybe you have been lying to me all along, or the fact that I treated you as a friend, and this is what I get.
Putangina mo. Putangina mo talaga. Kahit siguro sabihin mo sa akin na merong totoo sa mga sinabi mo sa akin, sa mga napag usapan natin, sa mga inamin mo sa akin, hindi na ako maniniwala talaga. Kasi, parang ngayon, burado na lahat ng respeto na ibinigay ko sayo. Burado na lahat ng magagandang bagay na ginawa mo para sa akin. Sabi ko naman sayo, ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat yung nagsisinungaling sa akin, kasi may trust issues ako. Pero eto ngayon, after ilang months, malalaman ko paunti unti yung mga bagay bagay na iba ang sinasabi mo sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung same person yon, but the point is, you were never the person I knew. Everything was a fucking lie. You are a liar. A sociopath. A nymph. A psycho. I don't know. I can't even describe how fucking annoyed I am at the moment. But do know that from this day on, I will be moving on from everything. I would never want to be your friend or to hear from you. Tangina ka lang. Puta ka eh. Literal.
I will still pray for you. That what is for you would happen. And I hope that Karma gets back at you.. because if you haven't heard, Karma's a fucking bitch, you slut.
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