Skip to main content

As long as you love me.

No, not the Backstreet Boys song. And yes, it's the Justin Bieber song.

I have a hard time thinking of titles for blogs since this is my to go to blog when I have thoughts, mostly bothering and depressing. So apologies for this.

Random. I was watching The Voice when I heard this song in the Battles round. And Efff. Their rendition is just too good to ignore.

Anyway, moving on.

Words that I would really like to try doing and practice.

I am trying. It is so hard to break away from a three and a half year habit. And I swear, each day passing is like a knife cutting my wrist. Sometimes, it could be a scratch. Sometime, it could be long enough to bleed a bit, or sometimes, too deep that I might lose myself in the process. Every day isn't the same. But every day, there is pain.

Went to church again earlier. Apparently, it is becoming a habit that when I feel uneasy, I try going to church.. better if there will be someone with me in case I lose myself and cry or collapse.

Two Sundays ago, I was with my bestfriend and I broke down during homily. Earlier today, I was with a colleague. I fought the urge to be emotional since I don't want to be judged.

I have been praying for patience, understanding and faith. At this point in my life. I really need all these three. So many things have been bugging me, and have been distracting me from trying to fix my life or from trying to be okay. I lost someone so dear to me. And with everything that's happening. I don't think I can afford to lose anyone anymore.

On a lighter note. Mass earlier made me think on how to address my personal issues. Let's see what happens.

Sorry for the random post. I just need to try to vent a bit.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Epekto ng pagkajologs at walang tulog.

I have to admit, when I saw the trailers in ABS, I knew it would be such a craze, a big hit, and a good one. It started late nights, then when I was about to watch, was moved before 6PM. Cruel, right? Very much indeed. I tried my best to get hold of a DVD copy of the Korean version with subtitles in English, ALAS, I did. Thanks to my ever loving bestfriend. We did find a very good copy. I was so eager to watch, because I have missed a lot. And, after watching for 1 and a half days. Literally, from 11:30PM of Saturday, July 11, to July 13, 2009 at 5:30AM, with only 4 hour sleep. The break I had was peeing and bath. Rather than that, nothing. I ditched all my plans for Sunday. I just wanted to cut myself some slack and just do nothing. I wanted to separate myself, even for at least just this weekend. For me to rethink, reorganize, and reflect on everything. Apologies to my dearest God, because I didn't attend mass and missed the practice for Lord's day. I can't help it, the B...
4 comments
Read more

Time Flew By.

I realized that I have not written anything here in forever, and it has been three years since my last note.  I couldn't believe that time flew by fast and that I have drank a cumulative amount of a whole bottle of wine today starting from lunch. I used to dislike wine, but here I am. I have officially drank 4 bottles of wine since May 23, 2020, a bottle of which I think I consumed that same night. Right now, I only have one and a half bottles left of wine, which means I either conserve wine or get myself two more bottles. Go figure what my choice would be.  So how am I? I think I'm better than where I was three years ago, but in some aspects, probably far worse. I have experienced so much the last three years, an emotional and verbal abusive relationship with the last relationship I posted here, started a good relationship with wine also, slowed down in terms of drinking habits, moved jobs, hated my dad more, missed him sometimes as well, lost both grandparents in my dad's...
Post a Comment
Read more

The past two months that led up to this.

One of the things I hate besides betrayal/lying is feeling being used by someone, for reasons very obvious. This is why whenever I get into any kind of relationship, I assess and ask what is it that I really want or the other person wants from the relationship. And I make it sure and clear. I am very bad at trusting people, but once I do trust, anything lesser than that is disappointing and betrayal, still. This time, it makes me feel worse. Not that I was just betrayed, but I was even used. And when I say used, yes, physically used. And fuck that shit. Seriously, I don't think I can ever forget that. Up until I type this, there is a bit of hope that it isn't the case, but time and time again, I see it is just that. So a couple of months ago, I was surprisingly in a very odd set up with a guy I barely know (yes, again, I know). And the difference with this is that the guy is a good friend, or so I thought, of a really good friend. It started out as innocent, with us just hang...
2 comments
Read more