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complicated.

I have been thinking a lot about what to do to make my life less complicated.

Right now, my mind is in a state of gaze. God has been very good to me for the past 2 weeks and I feel very unsure and scared. Don't get me wrong. I am very thankful that despite my flaws and despite me turning away, He still decided to remain with me and remind me once in a while that He is still there.

I just feel that I should let go already. That I should stop searching or waiting or talking. I do not know if I can, or if I should.  I am pretty sure I can. But it will take buckets of tears and a ton of strength and heart to do so. I am at that crossroad wherein my mind and my heart agree, but unsure if both can take it. I go crazy at times not hearing or talking.. I go crazy when I miss, or when there is a fight.

But. Most of the time. I am uneasy because I am always conscious of how to act or what to do.  it is very unnatural of me. I know.

I want things to be okay. Not in a we are together kind of way. Because right now, that isn't a good choice or decision. But okay as in we are okay. We talk. We chat. We skype. We are friends. Because that is how we can handle things civil.

Maybe. Maybe I should.
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