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I used to look forward waking up on a day like this.

What a title. LOL.

But really. Today feels so bittersweet.

I usually do look forward for birthdays for the sole reason that I kind of like to see who greets me first and remembers my birthday. I know there are only a few people who do, so I don't expect so much. For the past three years, I am guaranteed that at least one person would send me a very heartfelt message that could probably lift up my mood for the whole day. For the first time in four years, I am not guaranteed of having that.

So this is how it feels like. A bit empty, sad, but still, thankful to God.

But today, my wish isn't really for myself. My wish would be for the people I truly care about. I am sparing my personal wishes for today and giving personal wishes a break just for today.

So many feels, especially for someone who turns a year older.

Today, marks the start of my 26th year of existence on earth.

To be honest, I never thought I would live this long. For someone who has tendencies, I always think that my birthday would be my last. That's why I try my best to make something out of every birthday that I have. Today, despite not in the best mood, I have to do my granddaughter duties, as I have to celebrate my birthday as a yearly thing with a grandma, my grandpa's sister. Today is not ordinary, as it may be the last, for her. Though we always pray that it isn't, only God knows if it will be. So I can't excuse today even though I know that I would rather stay at home and bum out. I have always recently kept my fingers crossed that today will not pass by or if it does, that I can get a free pass to stay at home. But of course, I know I can't. Boo.

The past year, wasn't the best year for me, in general. Though I have things to be thankful for, I also have things to cry about. Both good and bad.

But at the moment, I am trying to really look into the brighter side of things, though to be honest, I really wish that today, something can actually lift up my mood. I really do. As I type this, there are tears in my eyes as I recall the year that passed. I thank God that I am still alive to celebrate today, and that I do wish that thing for the people I care about.

The rain starts pouring down. I know that God is with me today, and also cries with me on this day. Both tears of joy and sadness.

Cheers to another year of hopes and dreams, wishes and aspirations, life and hopefully, love.
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