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Effect of having a half day to rest.

Do I really want this? Is this the life I want to have? I am not sure why this going on right now. But all I know is that I am so used to it I don't know how to deal with it when it's gone. A habit that I can't break. But. Not all habits are good. I'm really not sure what is happening. All happened too fast. I couldn't even imagine life without the habit now.

I never expected things to be like this between us. All I knew back then that it was something. The friendship we had meant something. It was worth keeping. Until day by day, I was feeling something different. The only difference with that person and now was, both of us right now are so open to each other, I think that we talk about everything. Little things could make us laugh. Those moments are so precious I didn't want it to last. But there's a catch. And I guess there will always be one. That I am not that person. I wasn't the one that this person wished to be with. I didn't mind it at all. Until now, I think I still don't. But. I knew for a fact that things should have not turned out this way. I didn't want to meddle. It was too complicated. And I am complicated myself. If I want to be in this person’s world. I have to remind myself of the situation every single day. I don't want that. I don't want to be another one. I want to be the one person to this person. I know I won't ever be. I'm trying to detach myself little by little. But, it's just too hard. This person does things that make me draw closer. I can't resist. I can't push away. It seems so real, but I know it's not. I want to believe that this is for keeps. But I am scared. And honestly i do not know what to believe in either. I miss this person more every day. I can skip my upcoming trip if this person tells me to. I think that's the effect this person has on me. I am scared. Very. I am scared that one day, I wake up realizing I have fallen completely. If you ask where do my feelings stand right now? That person's very special. I like this person a lot. It's like I only have a cookie left and I could give it to that person even though I know it's my favorite. And that's scary. It might lead into something I do not have any control of, or it could lead into something I can't get my hands on anymore. I want to tell you point blank how I feel. But I didn't, I couldn't, I shouldn't. I am scared to open up once again. I am scared that I make a wrong decision, that I make a wrong move, or that I may have misinterpreted things that are happening. I want to tell you point blank when both of us are sure. I want you to think about things too. I knew you've said somehow your piece last night, and we're both accustomed to this habit both of us have. But I want both of us to be sure about this. I want to be sure myself, coz I do not know what to expect anymore. I do not know what to think.

I want this to be real. I want this. But, I don't know. I really don't know.

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