I do not want to rant.

Had a very short conversation with Pau earlier.

I don't really share much about what's going on in my life at the moment, not even to a single soul. But today, I suddenly told her how I felt about the current status of my lovelife.

"Hindi ko alam. Malapit na ata ako maging single."

This was my exact words.

It was nice that she mentioned about work and about effort. Because I feel I totally lost it. She told me how both parties should put in effort, and I told her how I felt that we are already two completely different people. This was the first time I fought the urge to cry. And I successfully did.

I felt a bit better. Because I felt that in case my partner decides to leave, I know that I will understand. How I wish I have one more chance to at least spend a day with her, just being together in the flesh. Because maybe, just maybe, it is the only thing that could save the relationship. But I am doubtful that it will still happen. Last week, I was even telling her that I don't want ever us to lose each other, that I don't want us to fall apart even though we lose the "romantic" relationship status. Today, I felt that I am about to lose her. I am scared. But at the same time there's this voice inside me telling me to let her go if she pleases. Because that's how I can prove that I do care for her, for us, for her present and future. Because that's how I can save whatever we have.

Do not get me wrong. If I had a choice, beside her and beside me is where I want us to be.

But if this isn't what's meant to be, I know, in my heart, that she will always be there.

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Indak - Up Dharma Down

Tatakbo at gagalaw Mag-iisip kung dapat bang bumitaw Kulang na lang, atakihin Ang pag-hinga'y nabibitin Ang dahilang alam mo na Kahit ano pang sabihin nila Tayong dalawa lamang ang makakaalam Ngunit ako ngayo'y naguguluhan Makikinig ba ako Sa aking isip na dati pa namang magulo? O iindak na lamang Sa tibok ng puso mo At aasahan ko na lamang na Hindi mo aapakan ang aking mga paa Pipikit na lamang at mag-sasayaw Habang nanonood siya... Paalis at pabalik May baong yakap at suklian ng halik Mag-papaalam at mag-sisisi Habang papiglas ka ako sayo ay tatabi Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakaka-alam Ngunit hindi na matanto kung sino nga ba ang pag-bibigyan ko Makikinig nga ba sa isipan na alam ang wasto Ngunit pipigilan ang pag-ibig nya na totoo Iindak na lamang ba sa tibok ng puso mo At aasahan ko hindi nya lamang aapakan ang aking mga paa Pipikit na lamang at mag-sasaya Habang nalulungkot ka Pipikit na lamang at mag-sasaya Habang nalulungkot ka Ako&#

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So they say.

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